Jesus, take the damn wheel.
Before my prayers can be heard, much less answered, Simon’s mom forges on. “Oh, my goodness. I’m so sorry. It’s been a crazy day. You must be a friend of Katie’s then?” Is it possible she has no clue I’m dating her son? Or maybe, he didn’t tell them anything about me?
“No, I’m not. I’m actually.” I scan the crowd for Simon, hoping he’ll wrap his arms around me and introduce me to his mom and we can all just forget she thought I was here as a party parent. He’s nowhere to be found, sadly, but I do spot a friendly face. Duncan calls, “Lainie!” as I breathe a sigh of relief. “Duncan.”
“Oh, you’re here with Dunc and Betsy? How nice. They didn’t mention bringing a friend, but there’s always room for more!” There’s no hint of sarcasm in her words, just absolute sincerity. “Do you work with Duncan at the middle school?
Dunc strides across the room as I start to explain. “No, I don’t teach. I’m not a teacher. I’m actually a copy editor at Chesapeake Shores and, um…”
“Chesapeake Shores? Oh, my! You work for Daryl, then?”
I nod, wondering why she’s referencing my boss instead of her son.
“My son, Simon, works there, too. He’s got to be around here somewhere. I saw his car pull up. You must know him from work? It’s not a huge place, is it? Though it certainly has grown over the years.”
Holy shit. She really doesn’t know I’m Simon’s girlfriend. I’m pretty certain she doesn’t even know he has a girlfriend, but why? Why would he keep our relationship a secret? Sure, I haven’t told my parents about him, either, but that’s different. No, really. My parents are pretty awful. Also, I didn’t bring him along as a guest in their home.
Just as I think Dunc is about to reach us and save me the humiliation of explaining, Sandy takes my hand and leads me into the kitchen. “What can I get you to drink? There’s beer downstairs, but I have wine, iced tea, lemonade. Oh, and I just brewed a pot of coffee. What sounds good?”
“I’d love a cup of coffee, thanks.” What I’d really love is a chance to explain or perhaps an opportunity to crawl into a hole. I really don’t get why Simon kept our relationship a secret, but it’s becoming more apparent that’s the case.
She pours a steaming cup of dark roast into a black mug, but as it’s filled with hot liquid, legions of stormtroopers appear on the outside of the cup. You can take the boy out of suburbia, but you can’t take theStar Warsout of the boy. I hold it close, though it’s damn near burning my fingertips.
Sandy is busy adding food to trays, and I have half a mind to slink out and find Duncan or Simon, but she rolls on with the conversation, totally undeterred. “So you know Simon, then? Isn’t he a sweet boy? I’m biased, of course, but he really is such a good son. In fact, I’ll let you in on a little secret. Simon’s just never been lucky in love. I think people find him unapproachable, maybe? Because he’s so smart, I guess. But Daryl assures me he’s well-liked there. Do you think so? And there was a woman at work he had a bit of a crush on. Lorraine, maybe? Do you know her? Well, don’t say anything. I don’t think he’s going to make a move. And that’s probably for the best.” She smiles conspiratorially.
At best, there’s a blank look on my face. Because, really? I’m guessing I’m Lorraine? And now, there’s no doubt he hasn’t told his parents about our relationship. And why is it good he never asked Lorraine out? And he did! He did ask Lorraine out! And Lorraine—Elaine-me-I. I said yes. And we’ve been cohabitating and fucking like bunnies for two weeks!
But I can’t say that.
And even if I could, Sandy’s still talking. She’s chatty, this one. You see, I’ve—Oh, my, here she is!”
I turn to look in the direction that Sandy’s pointing, and I’m hoping maybe to see the birthday girl or maybe even the sister who lives in Colorado and never visits.
But Nope. No such luck.
In walks a pretty woman, all of twenty-two, maybe? She’s tiny, with flyaway blonde hair and big eyes. She’s wearing jeans and sneakers and a t-shirt that readsNerdy Girls Rock.She’s got cute glasses on and her very own messenger bag.
She’s absolutely adorable.
And I have a sinking feeling that I know what she’s doing here.
“Natalie! Dear, how are you? Come on in. This is Elaine, she’s a friend of Dunc and Betsy’s. Elaine,” Sandy turns to me. “This is Natalie Barros. She’s my friend Shelly’s daughter. And,” again with that conspiratorial gleam,”the woman I’m setting Simon up with.”
Natalie shrugs and smiles, clearly delighted at the prospect of a date with Simon. And really, I can’t blame her. But that’s because I’ve been on dates with Simon.
Because I’m his girlfriend.
All I can do is offer a weak, “Hi,” and extend my hand.
And just then, approximately ten minutes later than I need him to, in walks Simon. “Hey, Ma,” He kisses Sandy on the cheek and then strides right over to me, wrapping me up in the embrace I longed for just minutes ago.
“I see you’ve met my girlfriend, Elaine. She’s the one I told you about, from work.” His mom visibly pales, and honestly, I feel for her.
“Oh, hey,” Simon offers to Natalie, just now spotting her. Poor girl looks like she wants to blend into the wallpaper (which, incidentally, is this large bamboo pattern. It makes me feel like I’m at the top of a beanstalk, but I digress). “It’s Natalie, right? You’re Shelly’s daughter? Nice to see you again.” Then he turns his attention to me, completely oblivious that the three women in the room have gone silent. “So, Lainie, you hungry? We brought crab dip, as you know, but my mom’s taco dip is insane. He moves to make a plate and maybe I make a strangled sound or Sandy laughs nervously or Natalie sniffs or something, because it suddenly dawns on him that something is amiss.
“What? What’s going on? And why are you all looking at me like that?”
“Your girlfriend?” His mother asks.
