Nick: This is bullshit. Bring her. And come early and have sex in the car. Then come inside and we can all hang out. Everybody wins.
Simon: That’s a no from me, dawg.
Gav: You are fucked in the head, Fuller.
Nick: Am not. You two are a bunch of prudes. Why does no one see the genius in my plan?
Gav: Because there’s no genius in getting arrested for public indecency. Also, gear shifts are a bitch to maneuver around. Car sex is great in theory, but it’s not practical.
Nick: WTF? You can scale a goddamn mountain, but you can’t avoid a gearshift?
Gav: I’ve had sex on a mountain. It’s way better than in a car. Trust me.
Dunc: Ok, I need to put my two cents in. Nicky, you’re an asshole. Just a few weeks ago, you were giving me shit about dick pics not being suave and now you’re advocating for car sex?
Nick: That’s because dick pics are desperate and gross. Car sex tells a woman that you want her so badly, you can’t even wait to get to a bed. That’s hot.
Dunc: Whatever you say…
Nick: When did you guys turn into little old ladies?
Nick: Are you ninety?
Nick: Fuck that. I’ll still have car sex at ninety.
Nick: Hell, when I’m ninety, it’ll be likeThe Jetsonsand I’ll be having spaceship sex.
Nick: If the Ravens lose, I’m blaming you three and your prudish ways.
I laugh at Nick’s words, though I know he’s deadly serious. But so am I. Yea, Elaine had a point about getting shit done on a Saturday, and I am. But then I’m going back to her house for a sex-fest.
I’m really getting the hang of this relationship thing.
In all fairness, I’m looking forward to the conversation, too. And since she’s fed me all week, I’ve decided to make her tacos. I shall woo her with guac and seduce her with salsa. Then, we can pretend to watch TV while we make out like teenagers.
My phone buzzes with another text, and I assume it’s Nick with more ridiculousness. I’m wrong.
Drew: I’ve got a meeting next week with the guys I told you about. Sure you don’t want to be there?
I’m completely sure. I’m the guy in the background, not the boardroom. And Drew knows this.
Simon: Christ, no.
Drew: I figured, but thought I’d check.
Simon: Thanks. Don’t you think we should—
Drew: I see your text bubble. Don’t even think about waiting, Walker. We’ve got to get things going and now is the time.
Simon: That’s if the investors go for it.
Drew: They will. Have faith in me. I may be a godless, lawless asshole, but I got this.
Simon: You sure know how to affirm my confidence... Keep me posted.
Drew: Will do. And don’t sweat it. This is important shit, and I won’t let you down.
I stick my phone back in my pocket and call Rufus inside. After filling his dishes and lavishing more love on him, I head out to Nan’s.
