I’m not giving up, but I better up my game. I have less than a week before Mark returns her car. A twinge of guilt hits me, knowing it’s ready for her now.What she doesn’t know won’t hurt a thing. But deep down that doesn’t ring true. I don’t think Rachel would appreciate my lie of omission, so I’ll have to be extra careful she never finds out.
27
Rachel
Living with Jude is surprisingly awesome. Not that I thought it’d be horrible when I agreed to his offer. It’s just, I imagined it’d be more awkward. Or I’d feel as if I was in his way, an inconvenience. Instead, he’s treated me better than an out-of-town guest. We fall into a routine, and each evening when he comes to pick me up from work, we have dinner together. Tonight we opt to stay in, order Thai, and stream the latest crime documentary everyone’s been raving about.
Honestly, it’s like we’re in a relationship but without the sex. Which sounds ideal, until you’re sitting across the couch from a hot as hell, kind, witty, cocky businessman with disheveled hair, turned on in spite of the deplorable images playing on screen, wondering why exactly you said you’d never sleep with him.
The closer we get to the weekend, the more I can’t stand the thought of going back to my apartment. It’s not because of my vile roommates, either. No, it’s that I can’t imagine going back to a day where I don’t spend time with Jude, or Walter. Despite my best efforts, I’ve become attached.
“Wow. That was—” Jude sits forward and clicks off the television.
Shit.I was busy daydreaming. I didn’t catch the end of the documentary, though it was pretty obvious who was guilty. “Right?”
“Crazy. Makes me think I’ve had a charmed life.” He shakes his head and then stands. “Also, I am never using a ride share app again.”
I stretch my arms overhead and yawn. “I’ve only had one bad experience, and really, until Iron Maiden died on the freeway, I’d rather drive myself anyway.”
“Not sure driving that old hunk of metal is any safer.”
“Hey! She’s a classic. And you will not compare her to a psychotic murderer.” I point at his smiling face. “Take it back.”
“She’s a classic, huh?” He shakes his head and chuckles. “I’m going to take Walter out.”
“Want me to come too?”
“No, I won’t be long. Besides, I’ve kept you up late enough on a work night.”
“Totally worth it.” The admission flies from my lips almost breathy. Jude stares. Oh, my God! Did I just use my sex voice? The air in the room seems thicker. Jude’s mouth suddenly becomes the most interesting thing and I can’t look away.
“Thai food!” I blurt louder than necessary. The tension pops, and I can breathe again, even if Jude observes me like some crazed animal inside a zoo cage. “It was really good. The food, and your company of course. Walter. Thank you.”Shut up. Shut up, please.
“Right. I’m just gonna . . .” He hooks a thumb over his shoulder and backs away.
Now would be the perfect time for the universe to swallow me whole. No luck. Instead, when Jude leaves I rush to the bedroom and shut myself in for the night. A self-induced time out for my inappropriate thoughts and spaztastic behavior.
* * *
I can’t sleep. Crazy as it is, Jude’s condo is too quiet. There’re no roommates coming in and out at all hours of the night. No thin walls and cheap windows to let in the sounds of sirens and LA nightlife.
Oh, and I can’t stop thinking about my temporary roomie. My thoughts are anything but platonic, bordering on obsessive. I keep picturing the different faces he makes. His open laugh when I make a joke. His softer smile when Walter does something cute. The wicked grin that causes my heart to thunder in my chest while I wonder what he’s thinking. I fixate on that one the most.
After staring at the ceiling for what feels like forever, I glance at my phone to find only ten minutes have passed since the last time I checked. I’d watch a movie or read a book but my mind is too restless to focus. I need to relax. Need to work off this energy. But the only activity that would result in both of those things has me visualizing Jude naked and doing deliciously dirty things to my body while I touch myself. As sexually frustrated as I am, I refuse to give in to that urge.
It would be a dangerous slippery slope, fantasizing about fucking him. I might develop feelings. I might act on said feelings. I would absolutely end up hurt. That’s the number one reason I shouldn’t sleep with him. Besides, we both agreed to those terms during my stay, and at the end of the day, I really don’t want to fuck Jude.
Liar.
It’s the dog. It’s cute as hell little man, Walter. That’s what has me softening my feelings toward Jude. Waver in my resolution to keep things platonic. That and the almost kiss in the club. Or the fact he gave me his room. The glimpses I get of his generous and protective spirit. My fingers slide under the waistband of my sleep shorts.
Ugh. I can’t lay here anymore.
Quiet as possible, I slip out from the bed and crack my door slowly. The condo is silent. Jude’s probably been asleep for hours. I step past his closed door and move toward the kitchen, my destination a glass of water.
A groan, manly and low, stops me in my tracks.
Was that . . ?