I open my mouth to tell her Leighton knows about us, but then I’d have to tell her I slept with him. Fear that she’ll be angry or look down on me, or that it’ll ruin this connection between us holds my admission hostage.
“Opal. Is there something else?” She cocks her head, and I swear she reads the truth on my face. “Did something happen? You can tell me.”
“I slept with Leighton.” My hand slaps over my lips as soon as the truth escapes. A few more tears fill my eyes and escape down my cheeks. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m getting so emotional. It was only sex.” But it wasn’t. It was the last thread of my childhood.
Her jaw hardens and there’s fire in her gaze. “He didn’t hurt you? Or pressure you? Because I’ll kick his ass.”
“No. Not at all.” Laughter bubbles from my lips and I shake my head. “I think I love him. No, I know I do.” I blow out a deep breath. “Sorry, I think it’s all just hitting me. He’s the first guy I’ve ever had sex with.”
“Oh?” Her surprise is clear.
“Yeah.” I shrug.
“Did you think I would be mad? That you slept with someone?”
“Considering he’s playing in your boyfriend’s band, I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Opal. Let’s get a few things straight. One, you’re allowed to fuck up. Two, you’re allowed to sleep with whomever you want. There’s nothing perverse or unnatural about sex.”
I force a smile to my lips. “I guess I don’t really believe that yet.”
She nods with an understanding I appreciate. “Because of how you were brought up?”
“Yeah, being told something is wrong my entire life, as much as I don’t want it to, it kinda messed with my mind.”
“You don’t have to live up to anyone else’s expectations anymore. As long as you look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day and are proud of who you see, that’s what’s most important. You don’t have to be anyone other than you, Opal.”
“That’s the problem.” I bite at my lip and meet my sister’s eyes. “I don’t really know who I am.”
“Then we’ll figure it out.” Lexi reaches for my hand again. “Together.”
“Thank you.”
“What are you going to do about Leighton? About how you feel?”
I force a smile and shrug. “I was leaning toward burying my feelings and pretending they don’t exist.”
“Opal . . .” Lexi groans and rolls her head from one side to the next.
“Kidding. Mostly. I’ll figure it out. And if I need advice, I’ll come to you. Promise. But for now, could you please not tell any of the guys.”Aka Trent.I hate asking her to keep something from her boyfriend, but really, I can’t deal with the embarrassment. I also don’t want Leighton and my relationship—whatever it is—to affect his status in the band. Something tells me if the guys find out they’ll never forgive him. Or let either of us live it down.
“Fine. I’ll butt out.” She raises her hands and then her gaze softens as she gives in to a smile. “But I’m here for you. No matter what. And tomorrow before we head out, a notary will meet us at load in. There’re a few papers we need to sign, then the trust will deposit a monthly sum into your bank account.”
“Thank you. I love you.”
She opens her arms and I go to her. I savor the safety of her embrace, thankful for her friendship and love. “I love you, too, little sis.”
30
Leighton
Playing for a live studio audience,one that’s broadcast to millions and then re-watched by millions more, is fucking fantastic. Afterward there’s a party held at a rooftop bar on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, and we pile into two town cars for the drive. Selfishly I wish I could grab Opal’s hand and pull her into my lap, but I don’t know how to do that yet without losing my place in the band. There’s a sinking, suffocating feeling that comes with the realization and I don’t know how to push through.How do I keep the girl and this life that I love?
Everyone’s at the party. Celebrities, industry professionals, and several Off Track Records staff—which includes dear old Uncle Bedo. God, I wish he’d go the fuck away. He’s like a poison, infecting everything good around him. All these years I looked up to him, for leaving the family, for making it on his own, but I don’t anymore. He’s only out for himself, and there’s nothing noble in that.
Sipping my water, I stick close to Sean and Austin for most of the party and try not to stare longingly across the crowd at Opal. I smile and make small talk, but I’d rather ditch the event and go back to the hotel with my girl. Tonight’s the last night we’ll have privacy and a bed, and the desire to lose myself in the comfort of her body thrums incessantly in my blood. It’s not only about sex, though. Her sweet acceptance feels like a home I never knew. Even if we don’t fuck I’ll be perfectly content holding her in my arms, kissing those plump pink lips, and talking deep into the night.
“Come on, let’s go rescue Trent.” Sean slaps me on the back.
