“I’m sorry, that was insensitive of me,” Julie says. “I apologize. You’re still grieving.”
“Don’t. Please, don’t pretend you know how I feel.” Sean scoffs.
Austin leans forward in his chair to speak into the phone. “Look, we’ve been laying low. We aren’t partying hard anymore. We’re killing these shows. Sold out shows, I might add. What more do you want?”
“Just keep your eyes and ears open. Keep us informed of shit before it hits the fan. That’s all we can do right now.” The tension builds in the silence after Julie speaks, and stretches through the line.
“That all?” Trent finally says.
“I think so. Oh, there is one more thing.”
Sean groans, his head falling back. “Give us something good, Julie.”
“Bedo won’t make it to Boston. Family emergency. But he’s already contacted the stage manager, reps at the venue, and everything’s in order for tonight’s show.” I might be imagining it, but everyone seems to perk up at the news. They really don’t like my uncle. I’m beginning to share the sentiment.
But emergency? What emergency? For the first time since walking out, the need to check on my parents flashes in my mind. But is there really a family problem? Since it’s my uncle I don’t trust, this isn’t just an excuse to get out of a daylong flight.
“Okay. That all?” Trent rolls his eyes as he reaches for his cell.
“For now. We’ll talk soon. Bye now.”
Trent ends the call and shoves his phone into his back pocket.
“You know? Our music label should have our back.” Sean crosses his arms over his chest and his jaw ticks from where it’s clenched. “Why the fuck do I feel like we’ve scrapped through the great exposition after that call?”
Trent blows out a slow breath. “That’s because Julie is a shark. She’s got our best interests at heart.”
“That’s assuming she has a heart,” Sean grumbles.
“She’s got our best interests because we pay her salary.” Austin shrugs. “Loyalties only lie as long as our value. That’s how it is.”
“It was easier when we we’re nobodies.” Trent rubs his eyelids. His body is taut with stress. Stress I’ve added.
Austin shakes his head. “Speak for yourself. I like my ramen-free diet.”
“Have you ever thought about switching labels?” The question pops out of my mouth before I consider the consequences. Shit.Obvious enough?
“No.” Trent shakes his head. By some miracle he doesn’t notice the anxiety written in my words. “Loyalty means something. I get that you’re just coming in, but Bedo and his team believed in our greatness back when no one else did.”
Trent’s answer hits like a punch to the gut. He’s right, I don’t understand this kind of loyalty. My father, a shrewd and brilliant businessman, taught me early on that allegiance lies as long as the relationship remains beneficial. These guys operate under a different kind of morality, one I don’t understand. A brotherhood. I’ve witnessed it in the way they treat each other like family. Opal, too.
Didn’t they accept you, too?I didn’t realize it was something I even needed, or how conflicted I would be. Is there a way to right my wrong? I wish, but if there is, I don’t see it.
23
Opal
I wrote a song!I did that.
Okay, Ihelpedwrite the song. But the words? They’re mine.
I can’t wait to tell Lexi. She’s the first person I thought to call, but then stopped myself. I won’t be the clingy and needy little sister. She’s almost done with her tour, and in just over a week she’ll be free of the cameras too.
As much as I long to have my sister, I can’t help but reflect on everything I probably wouldn’t have done had she been here. I doubt I’d have gotten a tattoo. New clothes. Learned to play guitar. And I wouldn’t have spent my morning writing a song with Three Ugly Guys.
I understand myself enough to know I’d have sat in her shadow. Lexi Marx is bigger than life. Bold and unapologetic. She’s everything I’m not and I would have used that as an excuse to stay stagnant. But this time on the road has taught me I’m capable and valuable in my own way. I’ll never be her, but I don’t want to be.
I’m just trying to figure out who I want to be.
