Panic pulses with each skip of my heart. I glance to my left and the woman there is sleeping. Sleeping! To my right the man doesn’t seem jarred but for the way his jowls jostle with each bounce of our flight. Everyone, actually, goes about their business as if we’re not careening to our imminent death.
“This is the captain. We’ve hit a bit of this storm. We’ll get you through this turbulence and on to LAX with no foreseeable delays. Till then, though, please stay buckled and in your seats and try to enjoy the ride.” The scratch of his voice through the loudspeakers does help calm my fears, though really, it only confirms what I already know.
I’m not brave. Not when it comes to important things. Not even when it comes to flying. I might have stood up to Gramps, but I have no clue how to make it on my own. Not in Destin and especially not in Los Angeles. If this flight is any indication of the rest of my life, I’m not only screwed. I am so out of my element.
* * *
“Opal!”Lexi waves from across the stream of steadily flowing pedestrian traffic. She holds Trent’s hand and pushes through the crowd.
“Lexi.” I breathe a sigh of relief at the sight of her and fold into her hug. She’s shorter than me by four inches; smaller too, but her presence is bigger than any room.
“Welcome back, kid.” Trent gives me a quick hug. He nods to the luggage at my feet. “Let me get these.” He reaches for them and slings them both over one shoulder. Then he leads the way through the terminal, pulling another suitcase on wheels behind him. I wonder why, but it hits me this must be why Lexi told me to wait at my gate. She flew in today, too.
“Did you fly back to Los Angeles for me? You didn’t have to do that.”
Lexi pulls out a pair of dark sunglasses, her smile falls and she blows out a harsh breath. “I don’t know whether you saw the news.” She nods ahead at where Trent’s a good yard in front of us and drops her voice. “We were flying back anyway. Their drummer, Iz, he overdosed last week.”
“Oh, my goodness. I’m so sorry to hear that.” My hand goes to my chest. “Do you . . . is it okay I’m here?”
“Of course. I just wanted to prepare you.” She glances at Trent again. He passes through the automatic doors, us right behind, and the sunshine overwhelms my senses as we step outside. “He’s still pretty wrecked. Things might be strained, at least for the next few weeks. And there’s one other thing—”
“Uber’s here,” Trent interrupts.
Lexi and he stack the bags in the back while I climb into the passenger seat. The drive isn’t too long. Lexi and Trent talk in hushed voices in the back while I soak up the sun and view. This is only the second time I’ve been to the city. The first time, when I came to pay my respects after our father died, I drove. It was also the first time Lexi invited me into her life. So much has happened since then and my heart clenches with both joy and sadness.
I can’t believe Iz is dead. I didn’t know him personally, but the way Lexi spoke of him, I can’t but wonder whether his passing hurts more than she lets on. Once again I think of Grams. Will there ever be a day I don’t? Grief washes over me and clouds my view with its sadness. If I could have one more day with her, I would ask more about my mother. I would ask her about growing up in Destin and about falling in love with Gramps. Whether they regretted taking me in as a baby. I would ask her everything, but even more, I long for one more hug, the feel of her hand squeezing mine. That alone had the ability to ease my anxiety. To reassure me I wasn’t alone. That I was loved.
I brush my hand below my eyelashes and swipe away the moisture that gathers. I turn to the window so not even the Uber driver can witness my weakness. A solitary tear. As lonely as I am.
“Opal.” Lexi’s voice drags me from my thoughts. “Trent and I have been talking.”
I turn in my seat to meet her gaze. Her eyes hold trepidation and maybe worry, too. Oh. The pit in my stomach grows. She doesn’t want me to stay. Not that I blame her, but despite my intentions to not put all my eggs in one basket, I’ve already gotten my hopes up for her to disappoint.
She glances at Trent and he squeezes her hand. “We think it would be best if you stay with Trent’s band until I finish my tour.”
“Oh.” Relief floods my gut and I let loose the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“I have three weeks left, and I’d bring you with, but honestly they have me booked solid. I’ve already committed to the HBO special so there are cameras twenty-four-seven . . .” She holds my gaze as if she’s waiting for something. My approval? Or is it what she’s not saying?
“You don’t want them to know we’re sisters.” It shouldn’t hurt, but it does.
“No. Yes.” She presses her lips together glancing once more at Trent before leveling her gaze at me. “I don’t think you understand how overwhelming it can be. I’ve always known it was something I’d have to deal with. It comes with the career. I grew up with that invasion of privacy. But you, you can be anything, you know? And I don’t want to put this strain on you. The pressure to live under the spotlight if it’s something you don’t choose for yourself. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, it’s fine.” I wave her off and paste on a brave smile. Her reasoning makes logical sense. She’s right. I wouldn’t know how to act with all of that attention. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You don’t owe me an explanation. You don’t owe me anything.”
Lexi reaches out, her hand open and waiting for mine. Such a simple gesture, but one that forces tears to gather in my eyes. She gives a squeeze when I place my hand in hers. “I’m really glad you’re here, Opal.”
“Thanks.” It’s all I can manage without shedding any tears. For the first time in weeks I’m reminded I’m not alone.
“You’re family, Opal. The guys and I will take good care of you,” Trent says, and it’s the very thing I need to hear. This might not be home, and I don’t really belong, but I have people who will look out for me as I find my place in the world.
4
Leighton
“You’ve decided to dowhat?”My mother blanches as if I’ve informed her I’m running away with the circus. In her mind there is no difference.
“Accept a position with one of Uncle Bedo’s bands.” It’s a strain to keep the smile off my face and the joy out of my voice. Ever since I convinced Bedo to take me on tour it’s all I can think about.
