“Babe! Beer!” Coy’s shouts break through our private conversation and remind me, as if I need it, that these moments with Jess are far and few between. I want to ask her more. I want to know her story. Where she comes from and who she wants to be. I want her to know she’s the kind of woman I’d want to mother my own children one day, but even I know that’s toomuch.
“I’d better . . .” She sighs as if she might like to stay here with me rather than take Coy hisbeer.
“Yeah.” I nod because Iunderstand.
“Thanks, Sean.” Her lips tip up with asmile.
“You’re welcome. For what exactly?” I squint and shove my hands in my back pockets so I’m not tempted to reach for her hand. Because the way she’s looking at me right this second tells me she might not push meaway.
“For your vote of confidence. I might not deserve it, but it still feels nice.” She smiles but this time it’s tainted withsadness.
I want to tell her she’s wrong. She not only deserves it, but more. If she were mine, I wouldn’t stop building her up until she’s chased and conquered all of her dreams. That I would support her. That I would love her better than him . . . but I don’t. Instead, I nod and offer a smile. “Anytime.”
She doesn’t move to go. It’s almost as if she can read my thoughts. As though she’s waiting for me to say more. She holds my gaze and I can’t seem to lookaway.
“Babe! The fuck!” Coy shouts and shejumps.
She rushes to the fridge, retrieves a beer, and is out of the kitchen before I can say anythingelse.
I lean back against the counter, watching the door as it swings closed. Coy is a fucking asshat. The worst kind of man. Not only does he take for granted the kind of woman he has, but he also doesn’t deserve her love. Jess should be adored. She should be reminded every day just how kind, loving, and beautiful she is, but instead, that clown takes every opportunity to snuff the light she holds inside. He doesn’t even get it, either, the fucking selfish prick. Someone like Jess, if allowed to grow and flourish, would shine brighter than any other woman in the room. Hell, her little smile from before was enough to make mynight.
Frustration at both the situation and myself for not calling Coy out on his shit explodes within and I slam my fist against the counter. “Shit! Fuck!” That fucking hurt. I shake my hand out and reach for the refrigerator door, grabbing another beer for myself. Fuck it, I grab two. Setting them on the counter, I rub my palms over my face and through myhair.
“Hey, you coming back out?” Trent steps into thekitchen.
“Yeah. Just a minute.” I blow out a breath and twist the tops off bothbeers.
“What the fuck are you doing in here? Jacking off?” Helaughs.
“No, asshole. Just thinking.” My gaze flits to the open doorway, and at the sound of Jess’s voice I can’t help butsmile.
“Dude. No.” His warning is clear and he shakes hishead.
“What?” I pretend like I don’t understand his meaning and tilt back my beer for a longswallow.
“No fucking way, Sean. You can’t. She’s notyours.”
“What are you talking about?” I know damn well he’s referring to Jess, but I play it off like I don’t. At least I attemptto.
“After all the shit we’ve been through the past few months? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You can’t, bro. I don’t care how much you like her. Stayaway.”
“I’m not doing anything. Swear, I’m not.” But that’s not really true. I crave her attention. Her smile. Her conversation. I take every opportunity possible to bask in her presence. I realize that makes me a total fucking loser, and yet I can’t seem to give a shit. I want her so much that I’m happy with whatever scraps I canget.
“Tread carefully, my friend. I sure hope you know what the fuck you’re doing. ’Cause we can’t lose anotherdrummer.”
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go finish the game.” Beers in hand, I walk away, pushing my way back into the room with a fake easy grin plastered on my face. “We doing this or what? I’m ready for my bigcomeback!”
I take my seat, play by the rules, and joke between swallows of beer, as if everything is peachy. But the game I’m playing is dangerous. I want to break all the rules with Jess. I shouldn’t be thinking of making babies with her for a real life minivan. She’s not mine. She’s not. It’s against every rule. A good man would follow those rules, and while I always strive to be a good man, this woman has me thinking maybe I should bebad.
I can’t fight the hope she might want to break themtoo.
