“Over under?” I take a few steps backward because I can’t seem to pull my gazeaway.
He grins. “You can sleep under the bed sheet and I’ll sleep overit.”
“A thin sheet of fabric. That’s some crazy protection,” I tease but the truth is it wouldn’t matter if there were a wall between us. Even though it’s a bad idea, my body craves his touch. Hiscloseness.
He turns away and I take my time washing my face, brushing my teeth, and picking out a modest pair of pajamas. Probably as useless as the over under. My stomach twists with the stress of the past twenty-four hours. After everything that’s transpired, I should be exhausted, but I can’t slow my thoughts. Worries fire so fast it’s hard to concentrate, and for that alone I’m thankful for Sean’s offer. In his presence there’s a chance I might turn off my brain long enough tosleep.
“Hey.” I step into his room, my arms wrapped around mymiddle.
He lifts his attention from his cell. “Hey.” It’s impossible to ignore the lustful stare that fills his eyes. I don’t know how he does that. He knows enough of my past to sour those thoughts. And while I don’t feel as if I deserve his attention, it’s that gleam in his eye that gives me the confidence to hop into his bed. It’s the gentle brush of his hand against my face that gives me hope I can trust him with everything and he won’t turn meaway.
“I’ve done so many bad things,Sean.”
“I don’t care about any ofthat.”
“I know. But I want you to know. I don’t want to carry thosesecrets.”
He nods as if he might get it, and holds my hand to his chest. “I’ll share the weight if you’ll letme.”
His offer brings tears to my eyes, not because I can’t handle my past, but because no one has ever voluntarily offered to carry the burden of them. Through ragged breaths and a heavy heart, I start from the beginning. I tell him of growing up in foster care. Of never knowing my parents, or who they were. I tell him about the last house. The sexual abuse. The fire, too. How even after all these years, I wake up in a sweat because of how much it haunts me. How I wonder if anyone survived and how selfish I was for never going back tocheck.
I glaze over the years I spent trading sex for money. He already knows enough, and most of those memories are locked away in the darkest part of my life. I do share how much I wanted to end my life then, and how even now those thoughts creep into myconscience.
“Jess, that’s some heavy shit.” He hasn’t stopped holding myhand.
“Iknow.”
He shakes his head. “And you carry all of that around byyourself.”
“I couldn’t trust anyone but Coy,” I whisper aloud, but even that’s a stretch. I found an escape in Coy that ultimately was another prison. He hurt me, too. Everyone I’ve ever cared abouthas.
“You’re so fucking strong. You know that?” The conviction in his tone pulls my gaze tohis.
“But I’mnot.”
“You are, Jess. You don’t have to do this alone anymore. You belong with us. You’re family.” His words hit me hard and hold so much temptation. I’ve always wanted to belong.A family. But as much as I like Sean, and as safe as he seems, I can’t continue to live a life in which I blend in to what someone elseneeds.
Pulling my hand out of his hold, I tuck it under my head and meet his stare across the pillow. “I can’t follow you around ontour.”
“And I wouldn’t want youto.”
“What?” His answer takes meaback.
His lips curve with the trace of a smile. “I want to be with you. So, so much. But you have a lot to work through in that gorgeous head of yours. So I already decided, I’llwait.”
A chuckle void of humor escapes my mouth. “You could be waitingawhile.”
His gaze narrows. “I’d wait the rest of my life for you.” He pushes up onto his elbow, dips his chin, and the unshaven scruff of his cheek scraps against mine. My heart hammers in my chest as he invades my personal space, not only physically but with his words. I anticipate his kiss, allowing my eyelids to flutter shut, but he surprises me by dropping his lips to my forehead. He holds them there a long moment, and as he pulls away I catch a wicked grin on his lips. “Now, we need sleep. No funny business. I mean it,Jess.”
“Hands to myself. Promise,” I tease when really, it’ll be harder than I let on. My fingers itch to run along his chest, for him to pull me close, even though I know this isn’t the right time orplace.
His brow furrows and he shoves a pillow under his cheek. “Hey, Jess. If you want, I can sleepdownstairs.”
“No.” I roll my eyes and blow out a breath. “I’m not kicking you out of your ownbed.”
“I want you to be comfortable. Safe.” The sincerity in his tone causes me to catch mybreath.
“I am.” I lay my head back down so we’re facing each other. An invisible barrier between us keeps me from crossing the line. The risk and unknown of being with him is stronger than the lust that pulses at the sight of him. It’s not because he scares me, though. It’s because with him I feel completelysafe.
