Is he going to leave me?
Fire me?
Make me get an abortion?
Tell me to fuck off?
“It’s okay; I promise you’re safe. But, we’re alone now. So, fill me in. What happened at your doctor’s appointment?” he asked softly.
How did I mess up so badly with those damn pills?“No one should ever find out something like this in this fashion. I’m really, really sorry. Everything has been such a whirlwind that I didn’t even realize it.”
“Realize what, beautiful?”
“Please, don’t hate me.”
He snickered. “I could never hate you, Eva. Okay? Just—just put my mind at ease. Tell me what’s going on.”
My mind tried to formulate a plan as he kissed each knuckle on the hand of mine that he held. I had to find another excuse. I had to lie to him, just until I got out of this hospital. Then, we could have a formal conversation about it. Then, I could get myself out of the way if he decided he couldn’t handle what was going on.
“What are these?” Gavin asked.
When I focused back on Gavin, I saw him picking up the bag. My eyes bulged as he reached inside, and it felt like the entire world had slowed down completely. I felt my heart screaming, no! I felt my gut screaming, “just do it!” The entire world I had created for myself was slipping between my fingers like sand on the beach.
And when he pulled out the bottles of prenatal pills at the bottom of the bag, his stare came back to mine. “Eva?” he asked.
I started rambling as tears lined my eyes. “I swear, I didn’t plan this. After every encounter, I left to go get the Plan B pill. Well, I left to go back to my place, and then I went to get the Plan B pill because the pharmacies were never open that late. But, I did everything I could. I took that pill within twenty-four hours after every sexual encounter we had. I actually made the doctor’s appointment to get on regular birth control pills! I was careful, Gavin. I promise you that I didn’t plan this. It wasn’t some trap. I’m not that woman; I’d stake my soul on it. And I can still work. I’ll still take care of Asia, and nothing—not even any sort of morning sickness or whatever—will keep me from taking absolute care of your daughter. I just fainted when Dr. Lucy told me I was pregnant, that’s all. That’s literally all that happened.”
By the time I was done rambling, I had started panting for air. I heard the beeping of my heart monitor slowly ticking up with each second that passed. I watched Gavin as he studied the bottle of pills in his hand. His eyes kept sliding from my face to the bag, back to my face, and then the bag again. As if he couldn’t decide whether he was dreaming or awake.
“Please say something,” I whimpered.
And when his stare came back to my watery gaze, he blinked. “You’re pregnant?”
I nodded, trying to gain my composure. “Yes, I’m pregnant. But, I promise you I don’t need to be fired. I might have to slow down a bit during my last trimester, but it won’t get in the way of taking care of Asia. You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to, either. I won’t take your money, or take you to court, or do any of the things your ex has done to you. I just want to keep my job. That job is the only thing that will enable me to provide for this child if I actually carry it to term. I’m pretty sure I’m only, like, five weeks along. So, for all I know, I’ll just have a late period, and that’ll be that.”
Gavin cocked his head. “We’re—we’re pregnant?”
A tear slid down my cheek. “Yeah. We’re pregnant.”
Then, the deep, resonant voice that greeted me the second I woke up filled the room again. “We’d like to get an ultrasound, too, just to make sure everything is okay.”
I jumped at the sound of his voice. “Can you guys just leave us alone?”
Gavin rubbed his hand against my arm. “We just need a little longer, thank you.”
The doctor nodded before backing out the door, and I closed my eyes. My head fell back against the pillows, and I couldn’t contain my sobs any longer. The past few weeks had been such a whirlwind, and I had no idea my life could change so quickly, and all of the stressors just came pouring out in the form of tears.
“Please, don’t cry,” Gavin whispered.
He bent forward and kissed the shell of my ear, whispering sweet nothings as I turned toward him. I scooted to the edge of the hospital bed, wanting nothing more than his comfort as my life spiraled out of control. My sobs hiccuped my chest. My tears drenched the skin of my neck. I wailed out into the room, unable to contain the hurt and the confusion and the pain and the uncertainty of what was to come.
“Scoot over, let me get in with you,” he whispered.
I didn’t question his words, and I didn’t question his motives. Instead, I did what I always did—I listened. I scooted over, and Gavin slipped beneath the covers with me before he cradled me in his arms. I placed my cheek against his chest and listened to the steady rhythm of his heart beating. The heart monitor in the background raged out of control as my pulse skyrocketed and plummeted with my panicked episodes. I cried until I couldn’t breathe. I cried until I snorted and wheezed to try to get more air so I could cry harder.
And after my body finally settled down, Gavin kissed the top of my head. “We’re really pregnant,” Gavin whispered.
I sniffled and looked up into his face, readying myself to apologize again. But instead, I saw him staring at the ceiling with a smile on his face. With tears in his eyes. And it gave me hope.
