1
Gavin
Wheeze.“Daddy?”Wheeze, wheeze.“Daddy, help!”
I threw the covers off my body and lunged out of bed, only to find my daughter stumbling through my bedroom door. She had her hand against her throat as she struggled to breathe, and I quickly ripped open my bedside table. I cursed under my breath as I jammed my hand into the back, my fingers rummaging around for her fucking inhaler.
And by the time my fingertips found it, I saw tears in her eyes.
“Daddy, please.”
I pulled it out of the drawer and shook it. “I got it, princess. It’s right here. Stand still for me, okay?”
I cupped the back of her head with only one of my tired eyes open. I felt her struggling as I held the inhaler between her lips, waiting to clock her breathing. I saw tears in her eyes. I saw fear behind her stare. And when I watched her shoulders draw back to inhale another wheezing breath, I sprayed.
And I sprayed.
And I sprayed one more time for good measure.
“Ouch,” she whimpered.
I tossed her inhaler onto my bed. “Listen to me. Breathe. In and out. In and out. Slowly, as slowly as you can and as deeply as you can, okay, princess?”
She nodded with tears rushing down her face. “It’s not—”wheeze!— “working, Daddy.”
I spun her around and held her against my chest. “Like me. Feel my breaths and do like me.”
I sat on the floor, taking my daughter with me as my hand settled against her chest. I felt my chest rise against her back before she started struggling to mimic my movements. Her tiny hands gripped my pajama pants. Her legs wouldn’t stop moving as her body struggled to draw in the air she so desperately needed. And as sweat dripped down the back of my neck, I started the countdown in my head.
One minute. If she can’t breathe in one minute, I need an ambulance.
“Come on, princess. Be strong for me. You can do this,” I whispered.
She shook her head. “I-I-I—”Wheeze”
I pressed my lips to her ear. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known. Now, I know you can do this. I believe in you. So, relax against me, and let the medicine run its course.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and let my lips murmur a prayer to God above who I hoped was watching. I prayed for the medicine to kick in so my daughter wouldn’t have to suffer through another hospital visit. She’d already been twice this year, and I wanted to prove to her that we could do this—thatshecould do this.
Thirty. Thirty-one. Thirty-two.
“Daddy,” she whimpered.
“That’s it. That was good. You didn’t hiccup my name this time. In through your nose, out through your mouth.”
She sniffled. “My nose is stuffy.”
“Then, in through your mouth slowly and out even slower. With me, ready?”
Forty-four. Forty-five. Forty-six.
I rubbed her chest and felt her melt into me as her breathing finally started to match my own. Relief rushed itself through my veins as her breathing slowly became steady and not so broken. I let a silent tear slip down my cheek. I allowed myself to shed one small tear for the fear I had for my daughter’s life.
Then, she collapsed against me while pulling in air.
“Did you have another nightmare?” I asked softly.
She nodded, but she didn’t say anything.
