I kept working to stay composed, reminding myself how focused I had been in front of that Moldovan judge.
I couldn’t focus, no matter how hard I tried. My thoughts were skittering around inside my brain.
Crystal was now bent over crying, her hands clutching her stomach as tears poured onto the floor. She had expected me to be the for her, but the shock of finding out that I was about to become a father was too much for me to process. All of the business training in the world couldn’t have prepared me for that moment. I wanted to close my eyes, but I was worried that I would upset her even more.
So I shook my head and walked over to her, finally getting the courage to comfort her as best as possible.
Crystal pushed me away and continued to cry even harder. I had never seen her upset, and I didn’t know what else I could do.
She put her hands up in the air and just kept shaking her head back and forth, while her whole body began to quiver. She couldn’t even bring herself to speak. Her crying was so intense that at one point, she began to heave, and once again, I tried to help her, only to be shot down. “Go away! Leave me alone! Please just leave me alone…”
I racked my brain to think about what else I could say or do, but I didn’t know how it felt to be a woman. If I had been on the receiving end of what I had just done, I probably would have reacted the same way.
It was killing me inside to see her that upset.
I made one last attempt to calm her down, but she put her hands up in protest and sat on the couch. All I could do was watch as she hung her head and let the tears fall onto the floor. Crystal kept muttering ‘no, no, no,’ and I was unsure if it was about the situation or how I had reacted.
Realizing there was nothing else I could do, I sat back down on the couch and waited for her to speak. I replayed what had just happened in my head, and seeing the look of horror on her face was breaking my heart. I heard her say ‘I’m pregnant’ and then saw her hands falling out of mine.
My reaction told her that I wasn’t ready to be a father.
That was definitely not what Crystal needed to hear.
23
Crystal
Icouldn’t believe that Gavin had pulled away from me, just when I needed him the most, he made it abundantly clear that I would have to go about this on my own. My world was falling apart right before my eyes.
Even as Julianna had reassured me that Gavin would be excited about becoming a father, deep down, I knew better. Deep down, I knew he’d freak out and go running for the door, which meant that I’d end up a single mother, just like my mom. After crying hysterically in front of him for several minutes, I stared at Gavin with shock and disbelief while wiping the tears away.
“How dare you, Gavin! Do you think that I did this on purpose or something? Do you have any idea as to what I’ve been through today? I had to sit patiently waiting for some stupid stick that I peed on for fifteen minutes, and the moment you hear ‘pregnant’ you want to run. What kind of man are you, Gavin Tillery?”
He struggled to speak, and I could tell that I was getting through to him.
I wasn’t ready to hear him say anything, though. “My emotions might be all over the place right now, but that doesn’t give you the right to walk away. If you don’t want to be involved with this baby, you know where the door is. Just as my father was never there for me, I guess it’ll be the same for this child. I saw the look in your eyes as soon as you heard the word ‘pregnant.’ I should have known better, too. Julianna kept reassuring me that you’d step up and be a real man, but apparently, you’re just like the rest.”
I felt my anger starting to subside, but it came back as soon as Gavin began to chuckle. I narrowed my eyes at him, and he stopped.
Gavin stood up and opened his arms. After refusing to let him touch me just minutes ago, I understood why he didn’t come closer to me. Something told me to let him hug me, though.
He squeezed me tighter than he ever had before. “Crystal, I was kidding. Remember what I said before leaving for Hawaii, that we weren’t dealing with kids yet? I just thought that we could use a good laugh, that’s all. I never meant to upset you, and I sure as hell don’t plan on going anywhere.” Gavin stepped back and grabbed my hands, squeezing them. “We’re going to have a baby, Crystal. That’s wonderful! And I truly am sorry that I dropped your hands. I told you that I was a bit awkward. Surely, you realized how surprised I was… Just like you apparently were. This is a surprise for both of us. But it doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing!”
I pulled away from him and stared into his eyes. “I don’t know if I believe you, Gavin. Most guys would have reacted the same way that you just did. How can I be so sure? I saw the look in your eyes. You were just as surprised as I was.”
“Why wouldn’t I be surprised, Crystal? You’re on birth control, which I now see isn’t one-hundred percent effective. That’s okay, though. Look, I’m back from Hawaii early, and you’re pregnant. It’s a lot to process right now.”
I looked into Gavin’s eyes to see if he was being truthful, and I was starting to believe him more.
“If I weren’t pregnant, Gavin, would you still be with me?”
Gavin took both of my hands in his again and looked into my eyes. “I love you, Crystal.”
That was the first time he had ever said those words to me.
Part of me believed him, but the other part was still apprehensive. “You’re just saying that because I’m pregnant.”
Once again, he chuckled, this time walking me over to the couch where we sat down. “I’ve wanted to tell you that for quite some time now. Remember when I was standing in front of that Moldovan judge, trying to convince him that we were married? Everything I said about you was true, down to the moment that I knew I was in love with you. I was just afraid of scaring you away. Please don’t read into what just happened, because I’m not going anywhere.”
