I pulled the phone away from my face for a few moments and closed my eyes. “I’ll see you in a week, okay?”
“Do yourself a favor, Jake. Get out while you can. It’s bad enough that you’ve been there for a few months. Don’t waste your time on Julianna because you’ll end up regretting it for the rest of your life.”
Hillard hung up the phone, and I could tell he was upset. I let out a sigh and headed into the office, where I pulled up my laptop and started going through work emails. Hillard was right. Even if I did go back but didn't party, which may very well be necessary with the new expansion, I needed to let Julianna go to move forward.
As my laptop booted up, I thought about the comments Hillard had made about my work schedule. I didn’t know how much longer I could do 16-hour days. Getting away and taking a break was one of the reasons I had come home to River Valley for a visit. Before I left San Diego, it seemed as though I was shutting down right around the 10-hour mark, exhausted. A lighter workload would eventually be needed if I wanted to stay sane.
My inbox icon said that I had over 1,000 emails.
Okay then, I'll just work myself to death, I guess.
I slammed the laptop shut, grabbed my keys, and went for a drive. I could deal with work tomorrow when I was more level-headed, after I spoke with Julianna. Even the quaint, small-town roads of River Valley had a calming effect on me.
It wasn’t until I ended up at the playground that I realized where I was headed.
It was empty and pretty quiet, with just the sounds of the crickets to keep me company. Back in San Diego, it might not be safe to be in a playground after dark. Yet, River Valley was known for being reliable and family-oriented.
I sat on the same swing as I did that night with Julianna, slowly moving back and forth as I thought about how much I cared about Julianna and Caley. I knew my father was right about having to give up a relationship to be a successful businessman. Still, I was starting to realize that he and I might be different.
Even though he said he did, I wondered if he truly loved our mother. He never mistreated her or anything, and I couldn’t remember the two of them ever arguing. Even when she helped Richard and me with our homework at night growing up, she never showed any signs of depression or anger.
It was only until after she put us to bed that I’d sometimes go to the bathroom, walk past their bedroom, and see her watching television alone. She never looked happy. If anything, she looked sad. I remembered wanting to go in there and hug her just to make her happy.
I could go back to San Diego, live the bachelor's life, and never settle down. It certainly was a lot of fun meeting so many new people. Maybe it just wasn’t my time to settle down, I thought while waiting for Julianna to call. Perhaps I was still different than my dad, but it just wasn’t the right time.
The thought of being with anyone else didn’t sit well with me, though.
I looked at her pictures on my phone, grinning at how her beautiful hair cascaded over her face as she smiled. The way Caley leaned into her as they posed for the camera.
Caley.
I went over to the balance beam and sat down, still scrolling through her pictures on my phone.
When I came back to River Valley, I never thought I’d fall in love with a woman who had a child. I also never thought I’d feel like so much of a father to Caley. The way she looked so hurt and angry the first time she saw her biological father, it killed me inside. I instinctively wanted to hold her, to tell her that I would never, ever do that to her.
Yet, that was exactly what I was about to do if I went back to San Diego.
The one thing that I never, ever wanted to do was let my father down. I didn’t think I could live with myself. Richard and I were his protégés. On some level, I wondered if making him happy as an adult was my way of trying to make up for lost time with him as a child. I honestly couldn’t remember a single time when he really praised us for doing well in school. It was always good, that’s how it should be and moved on.
Yet, the more successful I was with my business, the more excited he became.
I looked at my phone and let out another sigh. Still no call from Julianna. She must be reading a book to Caley.
I laid down on the balancing beam, staring up at the stars. They reminded me so much of that night in my father’s cabin, the way Julianna and I fell asleep after making love. She had rested her head on my shoulders, and we both looked up at the stars, slowly falling asleep.
Going back to San Diego meant that it would never happen again. I’d either be waking up alone or next to a woman whose name I probably wouldn’t remember, the latter of which made me feel gross inside.
The man in me knew that I had to let Julianna go, but I didn’t know how.
23
Julianna
It took everything I had not to break down in front of Jake. I wanted to fall into his arms and beg him to stay, but I somehow kept it together. I could tell that it was hard for him, too. He wasn’t exactly the same guy I’d read about online, the former small-town boy turned womanizer.
He had matured.
Yet, it was perfectly clear that his career was more important than me. What a typical male. I had watched him drive away in his rented luxury car. All they cared about was money.
