“Not now, Matteo.” I stopped him with an upraised hand. “I appreciate the attempt, but I’m not going to be appeased with a song and dance routine.”
“But I was just getting to the best part.” He pouted all of two seconds before a serious expression took over.
“Why won’t you let me help? I killed a man.” A shudder of regret tapped down my spine. “I’m willing to do it again. I’ve already told you I’m not the damsel who hides and screams in terror. I want to fight. I have the right to protect myself and Leo.”
Matteo straightened from where he’d been slouched in a chair by the windows. The devil-may-care attitude shifted to his real personality, the cloak of humor giving way to seriousness. “She’s right.”
Renzo shifted his weight from his wounded leg. His arms remained crossed, but his features softened. “We’ve all underestimated your strength. What do you think, Alessio?” He retrieved a long, serrated knife from a holster on his thigh. “We know you can shoot. Can you protect yourself in close quarters?”
I took the knife. The thick grip felt foreign in my hand. “I can learn. Dad taught me self-defense, but not with weapons.”
“I’ll teach you what I can. There’s not much time, but it’s worth learning.” He stood beside me, the two of us squaring up with Alessio.
“I don’t like it.” He sat on the edge of the desk with a sigh. “But I don’t have to like it to agree. You should know how to protect yourself. Just in case.” He drilled me with a look. “And I’ll include you in our defensive planning so you know what to expect.”
“Thank you.”
He held up a finger in warning. “But I draw the line at letting you join the offensive mission outside the walls.”
Good enough. “As long as I’m able to help protect Leo”—I cradled my stomach—“and this baby, I’m okay with staying here.”
36
ALESSIO
Dinner was a somber affair that Matteo attempted to deflect with humor and funny stories told in varying cartoon character voices. It amused Leo and even brought out a laugh from Lila, but as soon as she’d put Leo to bed for the night and returned to my suite where we’d all agreed to meet, the heaviness in her steps warned that it hadn’t been enough to truly ease her.
Renzo opened his arms to her, and she fell against his chest. “How do you do this?” She wrapped her arms around his waist. “The waiting is excruciating. It’s worse than the actual fight.”
She wasn’t wrong. “That’s what Luca wants.” I hesitated to say his name like it might give power to his actions.
Renzo walked Lila over to where I sat on the loveseat on the opposite side of the room from my bed. I’d turned on two of the wall lamps, giving us enough light to see while painting the majority of the room with shadows.
“We’re going to get through this.” Renzo reassured Lila with his calm presence.
She relaxed enough to lean into the cushions and stretch her arms over her head. “I have to believe you. If I don’t, the worrywill drive me crazy, and we have enough of that with Matteo around.”
“Hey,” Matteo objected when we all laughed, then he joined in. “Got me there.”
“I like it.” Lila rolled her head from side to side and rubbed the side of her neck. “It’s nice to laugh when you feel like crying.”
Matteo rounded the couch and stood behind her, bending down to rub her shoulders. “It’s nice to see you laugh. When this is over, I’ll make sure you laugh every day.”
When this was over. What a luxurious thought. I bit my tongue to keep from reminding him it might never be over. Whoever replaced the Verduccis might be worse. A problem for another day. I brushed my knuckles over the back of her hand, and she rewarded me by leaning her head on my shoulder.
Matteo continued her neck massage. Her body relaxed in slow degrees, and when she laced our fingers together and closed her eyes, we all shared a look that promised we’d not stop until we’d eliminated every threat. No one was taking this away from me, from us.
“It’s all overwhelming, you know?” A breathy note tantalized me when she spoke. “I feel so connected to all three of you even though we haven’t known each other for long. It’s like we were always meant to be together.” She laughed. “And I amnotthe kind of woman who believes in fate.”
“I do.” Matteo kissed the top of her head. “I believe enough for all of us.”
She leaned her head back against the couch and dragged Matteo’s mouth down to hers with a hand on the back of his neck.
Passion stirred between us with that kiss. I swept a hand along her shoulder and down her chest to her stomach, feeling the slightest swell of our growing baby. A heady rush of lovemade me lightheaded and was followed by a fierce desire to protect.
“I want us all to be together,” she whispered when Matteo broke off the kiss. “Is that possible?”
“We can try,” I promised. We’d never discussed the logistics of this side of our relationship. I never could have imagined how comfortable I’d be having two men’s dicks in my personal space. But now, it didn’t feel like that when we were together. It was easy, loving. We made things work because we all loved Lila.
