I'm still not sure what he’s getting at, so I keep my mouth shut. But he and Gunner have said similar things about him now.
“Ninja, all I’m saying is don’t break him. He’s been broken enough.” And with that, Kade pats me on the head like a puppy, then joins his friends in their usual booth. That guy’s tone never changes. He could tell you the worst news possible or the best news ever, and he would deliver both in the same deep, unemotional voice.
I’m not sure what to do with the information he just told me. I’m still conflicted with my feelings toward Edge, but I don’t like that someone hurt him to the breaking point. He, of all people, seems to be indestructible, invincible even. I wonder who’s capable of such a thing. Then I think of myself and what I’mfighting for. I could be that person who brings him to his knees. I silently hope that Edge is innocent.
Because if he isn’t, I’ll have no choice but to do just that: break him.
After practice, me and Luca head back to my house to chill before he has to head home.
“It’s your birthday next week, and we are going out. I won’t take no for an answer.” Luca lies back on my bed and folds his arms behind his head.
“Fine! Putt-Putt and milkshakes.” We plan to celebrate my birthday next Friday, Luca style. I make him promise to keep it simple and that there will be no shopping, no heels, and no exotic makeup involved.
“Fine!” he yells back, then laughs. “You know birthdays are a big deal.”
I curl up on the bed next to him. “These days, not much seems like a big deal.”
He wraps his arm around me. I lie against his chest. “Your dad loved life so much. It would kill him to see younotliving and enjoying yours.”
“This is the first one he’s ever missed.” A tear falls from the corner of my eye and drips onto his shirt. I can’t hold it back, no matter how hard I try. I’m overdue to have a good cry. It’s been several weeks since I really let it all loose. Holding it all in, trying to handle all the bullshit coming at me lately, only allowing myself to let a tear fall here and there, isn’t nearly the release I need. There’s another pressure that I can no longer take. The weight of it is suffocating me.
I sit up and face my best friend. “Luca, there are some things I need to tell you.” I can barely look at him as I prepare to release more than just tears. “I didn’t tell you before because I didn’t want you to worry and…”
He gently lifts my chin so I can look at his kind face. “You didn’t want me to stop you.”
I shake my head. The unpreventable tears begin their descent. “I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, Kins, it’s me.” His voice is as supportive and compassionate as ever. I wonder why it took me so long to get to this point. “I’m here, so tell me now. No matter what it is, I promise I’m not going anywhere.” He plays with the few strands of hair that have fallen away from my messy updo.
For the next two hours, I tell him everything, from sneaking into the underground fights to watching my father die, the real reason I wanted to attend Monarch University, my vow to destroy Venom, kicking Josh the Rapist’s ass, my nightmares, and finally, Edge and the tangled mess I’ve gotten myself wrapped up in.
Luca listens, asks a few questions, and listens some more. He takes in every detail, sentence, and syllable as I lay out all of my spiraling feelings of pain, fury, confusion, lust, all of it. I try to explain how Edge makes me feel, how he consumes my thoughts and all of my senses, physically and emotionally. The hardest part to explain is the perplexity of my heated desire that constantly collides with the fear that he’s guilty, equaling a massive clusterfuck at its finest.
“You know what pisses me off the most?”
“Um, everything you just told me?” he teases.
I laugh. “Yeah, that. And the fact that Edge is an entirely different breed from all the standard dicks. The way he let me handle Josh. He wasn’t there for a show. He was there if I needed him. He trusted me to carry out the punishment, hadfaith that I could do it, and that alone shows respect. He’s more intuitive than most, and that’s the part that does me in. But what I hate most is that I’m unable to hide from him. He knows exactly what he does to me, how I can’t seem to resist him no matter how hard I try. He senses what I want, what I’m thinking, or what I need, then carries it out perfectly. We won’t talk about the times when he left my lady bits screaming for more of his touch.” I slam my fist against the pillow and groan. “What is wrong with me?”
“Absolutely nothing.”
“That doesn’t help.” I snuggle closer to Luca. “I just need to try harder to force all of that shit back. Stuff it into a corner in the back of my mind where the cobwebs can grow over it. He’s part of a fighting crew that kills for sport. I have a feeling his dad has something to do with Venom. It was the way Kade told me he was with his dad yesterday. It felt off. So, what then? What if Edge turns out to be the son of a killer who I intend to pay back for what he took from me? And if he goes down with his dad, then?—”
Luca presses a finger to my mouth. “Don’t finish that sentence. You may regret it.”
That’s the only advice he offers, those few words of wisdom. I love that he never tells me comforting lies. This conversation was long overdue, but Luca isn’t mad. Luca is Luca, my best friend.
I’m suddenly exhausted. My night of confessions spent more energy than twelve rounds in the cage. Luca holds me until I finally drift off to sleep.
When I wake, cool empty covers are next to me. Luca must have left before the sun rose. I’m so grateful to have him in my life. He stayed with me, knowing I needed him here, even though he had to rush home early to get ready for school. As I become more coherent, I hear rain splattering against the window.
“Shit!” I don’t want to wake my uncle.
I reach for my phone to text Bryce since he lives closer than Eden. My phone dings with a text as my thumbs hover over the keyboard. I crawl out from between my warm sheets. I assume it’s a text from Luca. But the text isn’t from Luca. It’s from Edge:
Be ready in 20
27
