He hesitates only for a moment before pressing his body against mine when his hand moves to pull mine away from his cock and he reaches back to unlock my ankles from behind his back.
“Hands to yourself,” His voice is rough, laced with a restraint I know is for my sake, but I don’t get why he wants to. We already live together, and I don’t think things can get any more serious than they are, so his hesitation confuses me.
Just as his hard length drags across my core, he quickly repositions himself, a shadow crossing his face. He hesitates and then pulls back, leaving an aching void where his warmth once was.
“Zayn?” Confusion and a sudden fear grip me. Why is he stopping?
“Cleo, I—” He runs a hand through his wet hair, frustration etched into every line of his body. “I can’t do this. Not now. It’s not about desire, believe me. It’s…timing, respect. We should wait until you have your wolf.”
“My wolf?” The words taste bitter. “We live together, Zayn. What are we waiting for?”
“It’s not about the physical or our living conditions, Cleo. I respect you too much to rush this,” he says, his eyes pleading for understanding.
“Respect?” I sit up, wrapping the sheet around me. My heart feels like it’s cracking open, raw, and bleeding. “It doesn’t feel like respect. It feels like rejection.”
“No, that’s not what I meant.” Zayn reaches out, but I flinch away, the movement sharp and involuntary.
“Then what, Zayn? Help me understand because right now I’m lost. If you don’t want me, why the fuck am I here?” I say, my voice trembling.
“I want you, Cleo. More than I’ve ever wanted anything. I want us to be right. You said so yourself before that what you feel could be a sire bond. I would rather wait for your wolf so you know for sure.”
“Real?” I echo, anger flaring hot in my chest. “What could be more real than this?”
“Please, just trust me.” There’s a hint of desperation in his voice, a plea for patience I’m not sure I possess.
“Trust,” I mutter. “There appears to be a lot of that going around, isn’t there? What are you afraid of? I will go running and screaming that you slept with me while I have no wolf; oh, the fucking scandal!”
“You’re being unreasonable,” he mutters, pushing off the bed. “I’m protecting you!”
“Protecting me or protecting yourself?” I challenge. “Are you scared that I’m a mistake or just another pawn in your game against my father?”
“Damn it, Cleo, you know that’s not true!” His tattooed arms tense, muscles coiling beneath his skin, evidence of his frustration—or perhaps restraint.
“Then prove it! Show me, Zayn!” I demand, seeking an answer that seems to slip further away with each breath.
“Proving it isn’t about sleeping together,” he says firmly. “It’s about building something real, something lasting. Can’t you see that?”
“Can’t you see that every time you pull away, it makes me feel unwanted!” Tears blur my vision, but pride keeps them from falling. “Every time you stop, it feels like you regret even touching me!”
“Stop saying that,” Zayn growls, and for a moment, Zarek, his wolf, seems to flicker behind those silver eyes. “You are not a regret. You could never be a regret.”
“Then why does it feel like you’re using me?” The accusation hangs heavy between us, a suffocating cloud of doubt. “Is this just revenge against my father? Because if it is, I swear—”
“Revenge?” He steps back as if struck, hurt flashing across his features before they harden like stone. “Do you seriously think I would go this far for revenge?”
“Wouldn’t you? As soon as things get serious, you retreat, like I’m some sort of... mistake you’re trying to correct.” My voice cracks, revealing the fear beneath the anger.
“Being with you is the one thing I’m certain of,” he insists, yet his posture wavers, betraying his words. “It’s not a big deal. You’re making it one. There is nothing wrong with waiting; the last couple of weeks have been hard enough with the drama with your father without me having to fight you on this, too.” Zayn tells me.
“Is that it? The disgraced Alpha’s daughter, painted a whore for the world to see; suddenly you’re embarrassed.”
“Stop putting words in my mouth. I never said that.” He rubs his temples and sighs heavily, as if the weight of the world rests solely on his shoulders. “Cleo, I am not arguing with you over this; I want to wait. You should want to, too. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. You should have your wolf.”
“I’m an adult; I don’t need my wolf to tell me that.”
“According to human laws, not werewolf ones, and the fact you’re arguing with me over this shows your maturity.” His words sting more than if he slapped me. Tears prick my eyes.
He clicks his tongue and curses under his breath, realizing what he said. “I didn’t mean it like that, I…” he reaches for me, and I pull away.
