Evie remembered how alight Natalya’s eyes had been. She’d given Evie pleasure. It was only right Evie returned the favor.
She ran a hand down Natalya’s arm. Her fingers were shaking a little.
“What do you want me to do to you?”
Natalya pulled her hand away. “Nothing. No more for tonight.”
That made it sound like there would be more nights like this. Would this become a regular thing now? Something Natalya expected from her? The thought was strange. Not scary necessarily, but it made her feel uneasy.
Natalya brought her out of her head by lightly grabbing her chin. “You’re worried.”
“I don’t like it when you feel my emotions.”
“I didn’t need to. Your breathing got faster, and your heart rate increased. Your eyes got distant, like your mind was in a different place. I noticed. Tell me what you were thinking.”
Evie didn’t want to say. She didn’t want to sour this moment by thinking of what would come eventually. But she couldn’t deny Natalya asking like that.
“Will we do this again?”
“Do you want to?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then we won’t. Not unless you’re certain.” Natalya’s voice was assuring, but Evie saw regret in her violet eyes. As though she didn’t like what Evie had just said. It was a brief thing, quickly gone. “Do you want to go to sleep?”
Evie truly was tired. It was long past midnight, and her mind was whirling. Sleeping would be easier than dealing with her thoughts. She nodded.
“Can you walk?” Natalya asked.
Evie tried to stand, but her body was sluggish. Natalya considered her slow movements answer enough. She stood, picking Evie up in her arms, and Evie was startled by the ease she did it with. She was so much stronger than she looked.
Natalya carried her through the apartment to the bedroom, putting her down on the mattress and pulling the covers over her.
“The salt is on the nightstand.” Natalya stayed in place for a moment, stroking her fingers through Evie’s hair. Then she moved away from the bed.
Evie shot up, feeling panic rise in her chest. She didn’t want the salt. It didn’t even occur to her to take it. Keeping Natalya at a distance was the furthest thing from her mind. The thought of being left alone after what had just happened filled her with such intense dread it almost made her cry. She didn’t want to feel like she’d been used and abandoned.
“Don’t leave. Stay. Sleep next to me.”
“I don’t need to sleep.”
“Then juststay.” Her voice cracked on the final word. “Please. Just… Don’t go.”
It was a pitiful request, but she didn’t want to be on her own. She didn’t want to have felt this way and then be left by herself in the dark. Not again.
It looked like Natalya was going to say no. Her posture was stiff, her eyes filled with emotions Evie couldn’t identify.
“I shouldn’t.”
“Please, Natalya.” Tears were rising in her eyes. She didn’t have the energy to wipe them away. “Don’t leave me alone.”
The words undid all the tension in Natalya’s body. Without saying anything, she got into bed, putting her arms around her and pulling her close so they faced each other, Evie’s head resting against her chest. The embrace filled her body with wonderful warmth.
It was calming. It wassafe. Evie sighed with relief and curled in closer. Her eyelids started to feel heavy.
“You sometimes have nightmares,” Natalya said.
“Mmhmm.” Evie was already drifting off. Natalya held her a little tighter.
