When she’d first come to Chicago, the subject of sex had only come up in relation to her nightmares. Then once, after several weeks, Evie had found herself gazing after a woman she saw on the street. Not in a desiring way. Just with a faint appreciation she’d forgotten she could feel.
Then Evie found herself thinking of not being alone in her bed. Of having someone next to her, holding her. At first, the person had Amanda’s features. Then they sometimes had Natalya’s. They were innocent thoughts, really. After the night in the kitchen weeks before, her thoughts were far from innocent.
They confused her. They frightened her too. Mostly, they filled her with a strange yearning she hadn’t felt since before she was procured for Varro and which she couldn’t bring herself to do anything about. And no matter how much she tried, pushing the feeling away didn’t help.
Evie touched her lips. They had started tingling.
“Would you like there to be?” Lily said, quietly enough that only Evie could hear. “Something going on, I mean.”
Evie opened her mouth to object, but the words got stuck in her throat.
“I don’t know,” she said instead. “It’s confusing. It’s scary.”
“I understand.”
“No, you don’t. You really don’t.” Evie said it harshly. Probably harsher than she should have. Lily’s only reaction was to stay quiet for a moment before speaking again.
“Have you talked to Natalya about it?”
“She’s already doing so much.” Evie scoffed. “I doubt she’ll want to help me sort out myfeelingstoo.”
“You’re thinking too poorly of her. She helped me when I first got to Court, and she didn’t even like me. She likes you.”
Evie glanced back at the dining table. Natalya was facing Aleksander, her expression grim. She didn’t look friendly right then. “No. She doesn’t.”
From the other couch, Flea giggled. When Evie and Lily looked at him, they found the fae man grinning at them.
“Something funny?” Evie said a bit sharply.
“Not at all. I just hear things. Good ears and that.” He untangled himself from Blake, ignoring her protests, and moved over to sit closer to Evie and Lily. Close enough that he could whisper.
“Natalya’s scary as hell normally, but around you, she’s fucking terrifying. Started in that car when you passed out. You didn’t see, but she nearly made Cassius and Diana piss themselves, and they were just trying to keep you from throwing yourself onto the freeway. No one said a peep until we were parked in the high-rise garage.”
“What’s your point?”
Flea shrugged. “My point is that she cares. In her own fiendish way.”
Evie didn’t really believe that. Sure, Natalya felt responsible for her. She’d brought her to the high-rise so she could keep her safe after all. But that was it. There wasn’t anything more to it.
Despite the logic of that, Evie’s thoughts of ‘what if’ were suddenly even harder to ignore.
“Fucking Varro.” Aleksander strummed his fingers against the surface of the dining table. If Evie and her guests hadn’t been in the room, he would have paced. “I don’t understand this scheme. He’s still refusing to acknowledge Stefano was even here.”
“Has he had Stefano killed?” Natalya glanced at Evie as she said it. Even getting killed by his Maker was too gentle an end for Stefano after what he’d done to her.
“Our contacts say no. He’s just grounded until this blows over.” Aleksander scowled, keeping his voice low so only Natalya could hear him. “Not that it will. The ferals have dispersed, but Illinois is seeing more vampires than it has in decades. The Great Lakes region has always been heavier with lycans, and now it’s crawling with Night vampires. It’s creating tension.”
Natalya didn’t say anything. She was distracted. Even with Evie sitting only a few feet away, laughing and smiling with people Natalya trusted, Natalya was tense. She constantly braced herself for a sudden influx of terror that meant Evie was in danger. The anxiety lessened some from having her within line of sight. But it didn’t vanish completely.
She tried to keep check-ins on Evie limited to just when they weren’t together. To feel her emotions only when Evie was at work or when Natalya was out of the apartment. It was harder than it should be. It was even harder after the night in the kitchen.
Natalya hadn’t thought about what she was doing, and her touch had instilled such intense confusion and concern in Evie that it had lingered in her body for days. It didn’t help that Natalya couldn’t stop thinking about that night. Evie was so easy to talk to that Natalya hadn’t even realized she’d been sharingher past. And she hadn’t noticed she’d been touching Evie beyond what was necessary.
Natalya ran a finger over her lips, the memory of Evie kissing her in her office rushing into her mind. It was quickly dismissed. Though she didn’t lower her hand.
“We could always just give Varro the girl,” Aleksander said.
Natalya snapped her eyes to his, and her hand dropped. She was about to summon every ounce of infernal power she had and force him to cower just for making the suggestion when she noticed the challenge in his eyes.
