“What’s wrong?” Evie asked.
Natalya cursed inwardly. She shouldn’t make Evie worry for her. Not now, not ever. Not after everything she’d been through.
“Nothing.” She gave Evie a small smile. “Not anymore. Not when I know you’re safe.”
Evie leaned into Natalya’s hands, finding comfort in the touch. It was all Natalya could do not to force calm into her. She was so frightened Natalya could feel it within herself without having to focus. But Evie had asked her not to. She didn’t want to feel calm only to have the sensation vanish the moment Natalya let her go. As hard as it was to do, Natalya respected that.
Beyond instilling traces of ease when she was afraid Evie would hurt herself or when she had trouble breathing, Natalya let her be with her pain. Though she didn’t let her be alone.
Even if Evie had screamed and shouted for her to leave, Natalya wouldn’t have been able to. Not when she was this worried. Not when she cared this much. Not when she lov—
She tensed at the thought. At the realization. Evie noticed.
“There’s something else.” She moved back, out of Natalya’s touch, and turned away from her. “I get it. This isn’t what you wanted. You’re sick of it.”
Natalya would have said something, but she was too stunned to speak. The silence confirmed whatever conclusion Evie had made in her head.
“I’m no one. I’m just a slave you rescued. I’m not supposed to be this much trouble.” Evie turned so she was no longer facing Natalya. “I know you feel responsible for me. Like you have to protect me. It must be a frustrating task with everything I need all the time.”
Her voice sounded cold and cruel. Not towards Natalya. Towards herself. It knocked Natalya out of her stupor enough that she pulled Evie close again, holding her tightly.
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.” Evie started crying again, making her voice tremble. “I’m so messed up… Every time I think I’m getting better, something happens and it ruins everything. It ruinsme. You shouldn’t bother yourself with someone like that. You could have anyone you wanted.”
“I don’t want anyone else. I only want you.”
“Why?”
Natalya stroked Evie’s hair, a thousand reasons coming to mind. There were so many things she admired about this woman. Her tenacity, strength, and courage. Her kindness, how much she cared, and how genuine she was. How honest and vulnerable.
It also came from how she saw Natalya. Her non-possessiveness and tenderness. Her willingness to fight for them, even when Natalya tried to push her away. Her ability to argue with her and deny her—something no human should be able to do.
There were too many reasons. So Natalya only gave one.
“Because you’re you, darling.”
She rested her chin on top of Evie’s head so Evie couldn’t see her face. She didn’t trust herself to look in control. She didn’t trust her eyes not to be filled with shock.
Greater Lust demons weren’t supposed to love or even care about other creatures. They were made to be frivolous. Insatiable and ever-hungry.
Greater fiends were supposed to be something mortals couldn’t survive. Only when enslaved could they form genuine connections, be they emotional or physical. It was the tragic fate of all their kind.
Maybe a century ago, before Natalya killed Roland, the laws guiding that fate would have remained in effect. Maybe before she learned to harness her abilities. Before the Court of Chains and the control and power it gave her.
Before Evie.
Before brave, strong, beautiful Evie, who Natalya didn’t deserve. Who was gentle with her. Who was careful with a monster more concept than creature. Who wanted Natalya, not in a conjured or possessive manner, but simply because Natalyawas Natalya. Not even because she was the picture of power and control. Evie had seen that image shattered, and it only brought her closer.
And Natalya loved her. She loved her more than she could stand. She loved her so much she feared it would kill her if it wasn’t returned.
Ironic that she could see emotions in others with barely any effort, yet she’d been blind to her own. It was hard to see what you thought to be impossible.
“You’re shaking,” Evie whispered.
Natalya breathed out the shock to her system. She couldn’t do this now. She couldn’t withdraw to figure out what these feelings meant and how to deal with them. And she certainly couldn’t tell Evie. Not after everything she’d just been through.
Not when Evie might not feel the same way.
