‘Henry was my life,’ she said simply. ‘When he was taken, a part of me died, too.’
‘Butonlya part of you,’ he said. ‘For the past five years you have been afraid to live. You have been afraid to allow yourself tofeelanything. Even your engagement to Braddenfield is a safe and sensible choice.’
‘You make it sound like a crime.’
‘It is, when you could do so much more with your life.’
‘How dare you criticise me,’ she retorted, stung. ‘I was very happy, until I met you!’
‘If I have made you feel again then I cannot regret it, Grace. Oh, I know I am not the right man for you, I have lived for too long with the devil at my shoulder, but there are other men, good men, who would love you and make you happy, if you would give them a chance. You are too young to bury yourself away in a loveless marriage. You should be out in the world, living. Loving.’
‘I do notwantthat!’
Her anguished cry silenced him.
She dragged the back of her hand across her eyes.
‘When you came into my life I knew you were dangerous, someone even said you walk with the devil, but I did not want to believe it. Papa was keen to help and I, well, I thought a little adventure might be enjoyable, but it isn’t. Not at all. It has cut up my peace most horribly, not least because I know I will not be able to tell Loftus and one should not have secrets from one’s fiancé. I shall have to live out my life with that on my conscience, but I am promised to Loftus and I shall stand by my vow. Iwantto marry him. I shall be situated near my father and my future will be secure. That will please Papa.’
‘And will it please you, too?’
‘Yes.’ She took out her handkerchief to wipe a stray tear from her cheek. ‘I want a safe, quiet existence. I beg your pardon if my actions just now made you think otherwise, but that part of my life is buried with Henry.’ She raised her solemn, resolute gaze to his. ‘Henry was a paragon of goodness. He is the yardstick by which I measure all other men.’
Wolf had always known she was too good for him and now she had told him that her previous love was a saint. Very few men would match up to such a standard and certainly not an Arrandale.
He sighed. ‘If I have caused you unhappiness I am very sorry for it and I beg your forgiveness. Believe me, you have done nothing for which you need reproach yourself. Go home and forget me, Miss Duncombe.’
Grace felt as drained and empty as the basket Wolf pushed into her hands. He hammered on the door and shouted for the warder. As the key grated in the lock she rose and he reached out to pull the veil over her face.
‘Thank you for your kindness, ma’am, and allow me to wish you every happiness.’
Without a word Grace left the cell and made her way up the stairs. When she reached the office her hand was shaking so much she could barely write her name to sign out. Janet was waiting in the carriage, but although Grace could respond calmly to her anxious enquiries she kept her veil down, knowing that tears were not far away.
Grace had never told anyone how she had felt about Henry Hodges, the unfulfilled cravings and desires that had haunted her dreams. She had never even told Henry, when he was alive. She had always assumed he felt the same, but now she wondered. Henry’s most daring move had been to kiss her cheek and when, on one occasion, she had tried to put her arms about him he had held her off, saying gently that there would be time for all that once they were married. In fact, there was no time at all. Within the month he was dead. A tear slipped down her cheek. She had loved Henry so much. No one could take his place. No one, least of all a man like Wolf Arrandale.
All the way to Hans Place Grace wondered what she should do. To stay away from Wolf, to abandon him to his fate, seemed like the coward’s way out. She had thrown herself at him in a most shameful way and she must now atone for it. Wolf had been surprised into reacting, buthewas the one who had pushed her away. And he had told her quite plainly that he was not the man for her, so it was not as if her lustful feelings were reciprocated. She must show him and the world that she was strong and compassionate, a suitable wife for a magistrate. Wolf might not want her inthatway, but her visits would help to break up the long days of his incarceration. She would be doing her duty. Dear Henry had died doing his.
And what she felt for Wolf Arrandale would fade. Did not Papa say often and often,‘Blessed is the man that endureth temptation?’She must face this temptation and overcome it.
She quelled the tiny, traitorous voice that suggested that shewantedto see Wolf, that the tug of attraction was too great to resist.
* * *
By morning Grace had convinced herself that she was making too much of what had happened at the prison. She had been overcome by the horrors of Wolf’s situation and had wanted to comfort him, nothing more. Good heavens, if Daniel could walk into a lion’s den and survive overnight, surely she could spend an hour visiting an innocent man in his prison cell.
* * *
Mrs Graham looked up from her breakfast to smile as Grace came in.
‘What an energetic girl you are, my love,’ she greeted her niece. ‘I have only just left my room and you have already taken Nelson for his morning walk.’
‘Then we may break our fast together, ma’am,’ Grace replied, sitting down at the table.
‘And I am very glad to see you up and about,’ remarked Aunt Eliza, as Jenner filled their coffee cups. ‘You were so quiet at dinner last night I was afraid you might have caught something in that dreadful gaol.’
‘No, no, I am quite well,’ Grace reassured her. ‘I was merely troubled yesterday.’
‘And no wonder,’ said Aunt Eliza. ‘Mr Arrandale’s plight is indeed very worrying. I was horrified when you told me he had been locked up for the murder of that poor woman. I am as convinced as you are that he is innocent, but thankfully he has his brother to support him now, to say nothing of the rest of the Arrandale relations, so there can be no need for you to go to that horrid prison again.’
