I push all the ingredients to the side and he places the two cutting boards down. I take the celery and carrots over to the sink and quickly wash my hands before doing the same to the vegetables.
Koa places a giant knife in front of me then heads to the sink to wash his hands. “Do you know where the first aid kit is? I don’t want to be bleeding to death while you’rechecking every cabinet for a bandage.” I tighten my grip on the knife and get used to the weight of it.
“Yes, I know where those are.” He opens the cabinet under the sink and places a small first aid kit on the counter. His eyes go wide when he notices the large knife in my hand. “Maybe you should start with peeling the carrots.”
“You don’t think I can handle the slicing and dicing?” I casually hold the knife out with the tip pointed in his direction.
“I don’t know if having sharp objects accessible to you is in my best interest until after we’ve talked.” He opens one of the drawers in the island and sifts around until he finds the vegetable peeler.
“What do you want to talk about?” I select a carrot to start peeling.
He removes the skin from an onion and then cuts it in half. Wearing a dish towel on his shoulder, he carefully chops the onion into uneven pieces. Chef Koa is hot. Maybe not as sexy as ‘reads in bed wearing glasses Koa,’ but it’s close.
“What?” he asks. “Are you judging my technique?”
“I wouldn’t dare. You’re doing great. They’re getting smaller. Mission accomplished.” I grin wildly at him.
He stares at me in awe. “I haven’t seen that smile in a long time.”
I chew on my lip as I peel a carrot, occasionally glancing over at Koa. He grins every time he catches me looking at him. My skin heats on my chest and up my neck. This reminds me of how we used to steal glances at each other from across the room.
“I haven’t been alone with you like this in a long time,” I say, keeping my eyes on the carrot in my hand.
“I want to talk about us,” he says, answering my earlier question as he transfers the annihilated onions into a pan but doesn't turn the stove on yet. We are going to ‘sauté’ them—apparently that is a fancy word for pushing them around in a pan.
“I thought about us a lot while you were gone.” Picking up the knife, I raise an eyebrow in his direction. He swallows hard, his eyes bouncing from the knife to me. “The chat situation felt like graduation night two point oh. Different incidents but the same outcome.”
He chops celery while I take some of my aggression out on innocent carrots. “My feelings were once again a second thought. It didn’t matter what I wanted as long as you got what you wanted. Not to sound like a selfish brat, but what about me?”
His knife clatters on the counter. He steps behind me and spins me around. Holding me on my waist, he smirks when he notices the knife is still in my hands.
“Baby, can we put the knife down?” He removes it from grip and places it behind me. “What did you want?”
“I wanted you. I wanted to wake up the morning after we slept together and have you feel the same. But you didn’t. You said it was a mistake. After the best night of my life, I couldn’t believe those words came out of your mouth. Then you ignored me the rest of the day while you hung out withNash. How do you think that made me feel?” God, I’m so fucking tired of crying.
“I wish the word mistake never left my mouth that day.”
“Me too.”
“I left your room in the middle of the night. It wasn’t an easy thing to do. I could have stayed wrapped up with you forever, but I wasn’t trying to get caught by Papa Pierce. When Nash and I woke up in the morning, I knew he was suspicious.”
“Of course he was.” I roll my eyes.
“He asked me if there was something going on between us.” His hands slide from my waist to my hips. “I said we were friends. Knowing what I do now, I think Nash was pushing me then to tell him the truth. All he wanted was for me to step up and tell him how bad I wanted you. I didn’t do that.”
“It wasn’t his choice to make. He had no right interfering in our relationship. Why did you say that being with me was a mistake if you didn’t feel that way?”
“You caught me off guard in the hallway. I was going to your room to talk to you about my conversation with Nash. You had this shy smile on your face. Fuck, you looked beautiful. I said it was a mistake. The words tumbled out of my mouth without thinking about you hearing me. But the mistake I was making was telling you we couldn’t be together.”
Oh God. I squeeze the back of his neck. I thought maybe I played a part in our breakup, but I didn’t want to believe it. “I did this to us. I said we should be friends. I agreed with you because I didn’t want to look like a fool. I should have waited for you to say something. I should have fought harder for us.”
Iheard the word mistake and immediately felt hurt and got defensive. I should have marched into Nash’s room and told him to get over it and that I wasn’t going to lose Koa again.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who should have said more. I should have corrected you but I didn’t. I let you walk away and that is an error I won’t make twice.”
“I would have done it too,” I whisper.
“Done what?” He tilts his head and his eyebrows scrunch together.
