We never finished our conversation. We never decided what this is, but all I want in the world is for Easton to stay with me.
It’s the only time I do feel safe.
“Stay with me?” I raise my brows, looking at him hopefully. “While I sleep?”
This time, he doesn’t hesitate. “Of course.”
Easton and I snuggle into the bed, and I let myself be comforted by his presence, focusing on the feel of him, his cologne, until I fall asleep, knowing it won’t be restful.
I do the best I can to get through the next day, but it's hard.
Every second feels like I'm hanging on the edge of a knife as if Neil could leap out from around every corner.
I'm jumpy, even so far as getting terrified by a box of cereal falling in the pantry.
But I hang together. I keep it together if only for Jade. I don't want to make her nervous. I don't want to worry her. She has nothing to do with all of this, and she deserves to just be a kid and focus on enjoying the summer.
The day goes by quickly enough, and eventually, at the end, Easton walks up to me as he’s getting ready to bring Jade up to sleep.
“Hey, why don't we have a nice dinner right here in the living room, just you and me? We'll take a second, we'll watch something stupid, and we'll try not to think about everything that's going on.”
I adore how helpful he's trying to be. I love that I can see how concerned he is for me all over his face. I know we still haven't discussed everything yet, but perhaps we can.
Because I need to talk about it. Because Ineedto talk about how I feel about him.
Nodding, I give him a smile. “Okay, that sounds good. Umm, why don't you get stuff set up, and I'll bring Jade up for bed?”
“Sounds like a plan. I'll see you in a little bit, okay?”
All I can do is nod again because I don't know what else to do. And I turn to Jade and point up the stairs, saying, “Let's go.”
She bounds up the stairs, heading straight to the bathroom to brush her teeth. And that's so unlike her that I have to wonder if Easton said something to her about being extra careful around me right now.
As much as I hate that concept, I appreciate the effort.
I meet Jade in the bathroom as she's squirting the toothpaste on her toothbrush, and we do our little countdown dance for two minutes to ensure she brushes her teeth for the entire length of time. Otherwise, she'll forget.
Once she's all done, she rinses the toothbrush off and gets a glass of water, gargling it and getting water all over her face.There's something so normal about seeing her just brush her teeth that makes me feel a little bit better about everything.
If there's a kiddo like her in the world, then it can't be all that bad, right?
When we're finished, I take Jade to the bedroom, help her get into her pajamas, and then tuck her in. After a moment, as I'm turning off the lights and making sure that the spinning stars are set to her favorite color, Jade pipes up in bed.
“Hey Hazel, are you okay? You seem upset.”
I sigh. “Yeah. There's no putting it past you, is there? I'm fine. There's some stuff going on, some adult stuff, that I don't like very much right now, but it's nothing that you need to worry about, alright? Me and your uncle, we've got this all sorted out. We're going to make sure everything is fine.”
She smiles, but I can tell she only believes me a little bit.
“Okay, but you know I care about you, too. You're my friend. So, if you need help or something, I'm here.”
I have to fight the tears. I will not cry in front of this amazing little girl. “Thank you, Jade, I appreciate that very much. Do you want me to read you a story or anything before bed?”
A smile stretches across her face that replaces the concerned look that she was wearing.
“Yes,” she says pointedly. “I would like the next chapter of that book, please.”
I laugh and go grab the book that we've been working on every night before bed, and I read to her the next chapter in line. We're up to chapter eleven now. It's getting pretty good.
