Hazel is still so relaxed, sipping her drink, and she gives me a smile, reaching across the cold marble that separates us and patting my hand.
My composure, shitty as it already was, completely cracks.
“I’m so fucking bad at this.” I take a gulp of my wine and then another. “If Jade’s mom could see her right now, she’d be so pissed at me.”
“Hey, none of that.” Hazel leans toward me again, squeezing my free hand. “You’re doing everything you can. And you called and got help when you were feeling unsure. That’s all youcando.”
“It’s just…ugh,” I sigh, practically collapsing to the counter. “It’s so hard. This is so damn hard. And there’s no instruction manual or predictable routine. It’s chaos and boogers and fevers and kids’ stuff everywhere.”
Laughing, Hazel nods. “Yeah, that sounds about right. But you’re doing what you can, Easton. You’re there for her; it’s clear you care about her, and you’re changing your whole life to make sure you give her a good home. That’s not the sign of a fuck-up.”
I don’t want to accept her words, but part of me understands that Hazel has a point. I am trying, and it’s probably just as true for every new parent. We all feel like we’re failing.
“If Janeen could see you, she’d be proud, Easton.” Hazel holds my stare, making sure to drive her words into me. “She did a great job picking you as Jade’s guardian.”
I can’t keep myself under the weight of Hazel’s stare. I reach for my wine instead, taking a massive gulp. I certainly needed it, but I have to admit that we’ve been drinking pretty fast.
Slowing down is probably a good idea.
As it is, my eyes flick to Hazel’s lips, and I silently curse. I can’t be thinking like this right now. Hazel is supposed to just be my babysitter.
Yeah, that would never be true.
That inner voice, however annoying, isn’t wrong. Hazel will never just be the babysitter. She’s someone I trusted, someone I dated, and so much of me is still just as taken by her as I was before.
She always knows the right thing to walk me back from the edge. Hazel did it then, and she’s doing it now.
How is shethisdamn incredible?
I am so not worth all this. I’m glad that she came over for Jade, but I feel guilty as shit that Hazel, of all people, is helping me, the asshole who pulled the most epic ghosting.
And still, I can’t stop marveling at how damn gorgeous she looks in a t-shirt and pajama pants. Hazel didn’t change before she came over, her hair piled in a messy bun on top of her head, and she’s still so incredibly beautiful.
You need to stop thinking like this. She is not into you. Sheshouldn’tbe.
“You feeling a bit better over there?” I look up from my glass, realizing that I haven’t said anything. “You’re quiet.”
“I am. Thank you. You…you’re good at this. Always have been.”
Her cheeks flare a delightful pink, and I love it on her. My mind is reeling, and all I want to do is drag this beautiful, kind, intelligent woman across the island and kiss her until neither of us can see straight.
Dammit. This is so not good.
“Thank you, Easton.” Hazel smiles, sliding her hand across the island to squeeze mine again. “You’re trying really hard. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
If only she knew just how many things I was trying hard to do right now. The biggest one is keeping my distance from her.
But then Hazel’s eyes flicker across my face, peeking at my lips. It’s only a flash, there and then gone, but it’s enough to get my lizard brain screaming in my head.
Tension crackles, and she hasn’t pulled her hand away yet. I flip mine over, taking hold of hers and running my thumb back and forth across the back.
She hums slightly, and I lean forward. Hazel doesn’t pull away.
Thinking is getting really damn hard, and Hazel still hasn’t pulled away from me. I know she has to see this, what I’m doing, and my heart is going to beat itself out of my body.
We’re close, really,reallyclose.
God, is she going to let me kiss her? That’s a terrible idea. Do I care?
