“Hey, are you okay? You’re white as a sheet, and you're trembling.”
I look down at my hands, trying to shake away the fidgeting. “Yes, I'm just really nervous about Jade and everything. I tried to get some fresh air, but it didn't really work.”
He sighs, pulling me into his arms for a hug. The way he squeezes me tries to ground me in my body, but there's nothing that can make me feel better right now except getting Jade back.
“We'll get her back, Hazel, I promise. The police are coming. They're working with us. They already have people out with the pictures I sent. We'll get her back.”
I feel terrible that he's trying to makemefeel better when it'shisniece that's gone missing. I know how much he loves her.
Even if he feels like he's not doing a great job at this whole dad thing, he's actually a natural. He’s been there for Jade, a steady, constant shoulder for her to lean on since the beginning.
And he's still trying to protect me from the weight of all of this.
Easton’s trying to makemefeel better, and I can't stand it.
This is my fault. I don't deserve to feel better.
I don't let him notice that. I give him a hug back, I squeeze him tight, and I suck in a deep breath of his scent, and then I lean back with a sad smile.
“I know. I hear you. It's just gonna be hard until she's home again, you know?”
Easton nods. “Of course. Of course, I know. Yes, it's gonna be awful until I have that little girl back in my arms, and then I'mneverletting her out of my sight again.”
I almost laugh at that because it's so ridiculous. Obviously, he can't protect Jade from everything, but I understand the desire towantto protect her from everything.
I swallow down the lump in my throat, and we go about the rest of the day talking with cops, giving more pictures, describing what she was wearing, and telling them everything there is to know about Neil.
I still try to be as useful as possible with them. Idowant Neil caught. I just don't think they stand a chance.
They spent this long looking for him, and they haven't been able to identify him in the crowd or catch him on the road. Despite spending so much time on this, the police have been entirely unsuccessful.
So, I'm not going to hold my breath.
After a while, the two of us are exhausted and it's evening. Neither of us can bring ourselves to eat, and we call it an early night, both of us tucking up into bed and falling asleep in each other's arms.
But I have an alarm set to vibrate on my phone for eleven-thirty. When it goes off, I sneak out of bed, put on clothes that I know I can move in, and a pair of sneakers.
I go down to the kitchen as quietly as I can, and I find a permanent marker. I write the address that Neil is sending me to on my hand and then delete the message from my phone.
I slip it into my back pocket just in case. Who knows what the situation is going to bring?
And then I look back up the stairs towards the room where I know Easton is sleeping.
If everything goes according to plan, this will be the last time I ever see him.
My heart crumbles to dust at the thought of never seeing that wonderful man again.
And even though he can't hear me, even though he'll never hear the words, I let the tears fall down my cheeks as I whisper up towards the stairs, “I love you.”
THIRTY-FOUR
Hazel
It took less than thirty minutes to drive down to the warehouse, so now I'm sitting in my car in silence, waiting for the clock to strike midnight.
Leaving Easton in bed just now was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life, and I never want to feel like thiseveragain.
The good news is, I know I probably won't be thinking about it soon. The bad news is, I know I probably won't be thinking about it soon.
