He jerked back as if I'd struck him, breathing hard. His eyes were wild, pupils blown wide with desire. "Is that what you wanted?" he demanded, voice ragged. "To prove I want you?"
"I want to understand why you push me away when I know you feel this too." My voice shook. My body ached where he'd pressed against me, craving his touch again. "Why you act like you hate me one moment and then kiss me like that the next."
"I don't hate you, Livia." His laugh was bitter, cruel. "You'd have to matter more for me to hate you. You just..." He raked his fingers through his already disheveled hair. "You infuriate me. Walking around here like you own the place, playing with fire, not caring who gets burned."
The words hit harder than any physical blow. I was still breathless from his kiss, my lips swollen, and now he acted like I meant nothing.
"Is that what you tell yourself?" My voice came out raw. "That I don't matter? I don’t believe you. You care about me, Septimus, I know you do. We’re like family. What we’ve been through together-”
“Why do you always bring it up?” he demanded. “Why can’t you just let it go, Livia? It’s in the past.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “How can you say that? How can you just forget what they did as if it was nothing? As if our families meant nothing?”
He stepped forward, sliding his hands into my hair and gripping my head, forcing me to look up at him as he pushed me back against the stone wall. His face was inches from mine, his breath coming fast and hard. "Because they're dead, Livia! They're dead and we're alive, and I mean to stay that way!"
The heat of his body pressed against mine, his grip painful but somehow thrilling. I could feel his heart hammering against my chest, see the conflict raging in his eyes - desire warring with frustration.
"This is our life now," he said, his voice dropping lower, rougher. "Here, in this ludus. Training. Fighting. Surviving. That's what matters." His thumb traced unconsciously over my collarbone, sending shivers down my spine. "Not some impossible revenge fantasy."
"Impossible?" I challenged, trying to ignore how his touch made my skin burn. "You don't think I can do it?"
He leaned closer, his lips almost brushing my ear. "I think you're going to get yourself killed chasing ghosts." His words were harsh but his hands gentle, sliding down my arms. "And for what? It won't bring them back."
"This isn't about bringing them back." I turned my face toward his, our mouths nearly touching. "This is about justice."
"Justice?" His laugh ghosted across my lips. "You think you're going to find justice in the Empire? You think you can take onthe whole system alone?" His fingers dug into my hips, pulling me harder against him. "Wake up, Livia. This isn't some hero's tale. This is real life, and in real life, the small people don't win."
"I'm not small anymore," I whispered against his mouth. "And I'm not alone. I have Marcus—"
He gave a cold laugh. "Marcus? You think he’s going to help you topple the Empire?"
I stared at him, my mind struggling to process his words.
“The Empire? What are you talking about?”
“The Imperial soldiers who razed our village were under direct orders from the Emperor to do so.”
“How do you know that?” I demanded.
His eyes burned into mine, and I saw the fury that smouldered inside… the fury he buried so deep down.
“When we first came, and I was a house slave, there was a night Drusus entertained officers from the barracks. You were too young to be called for the entertainment, but I wasn’t. While I was on my knees for one of the officers, they discussed how the Talfen raids had been building, how they’d been given orders to stamp out rebels who supported those demons within the empire itself. How the Emperor had given orders to... deal with those rebels.”
"Orders? What orders? We were just a farming village."
"Were we?" His hands tightened painfully on my hips. "Is that what you really think? That they just happened to choose our village at random?"
Something in his voice made my blood run cold. "What aren't you telling me?"
"Gods, you're still so naive." He released me suddenly, stepping back. The loss of his heat left me shivering. "You think you want revenge? You don't even know what you're seeking revenge for."
"Then tell me!" I grabbed his shirt, yanking him back. "Stop dancing around it and tell me what you know!"
His face twisted with something like pain. "Your parents..." He stopped, jaw clenching.
"What about my parents?" When he didn't answer, I shook him. "Damn you, Septimus, tell me!"
"They were traitors!" The words exploded from him like he couldn't hold them back anymore. "Your precious parents were part of some underground movement. Peace-seekers." He spat the word like it was poison. "They were trying to make contact with the Talfen."
