“Hey, hey,” Elliot whispered, cupping my face. “Just breathe with me.”
“I ca-I can’t.” I panted heavily, my sobs raw and unrelenting. “They know. They know.”
“It’s okay. It’s—”
“No! Prom Queen…I can’t.” I gulped, my voice shaking. “I can’t win.”
“Prom Queen?” he asked, brows knitting together. His hands dropped, leaving my skin. “Why does it matter if—”
“Because it does!”
“Look, I know that you were bullied, but—”
“No!” I yelled, my throat hoarse. “You don’tknow. It’s not just me…it’s….my—”
“Hey, you’re gonna be okay.”
“I’mgonna be okay,” I wept angrily, my words coming out strained. “Butshe’snot! She’s not okay, and they killed her a-and I can’t…I can’t bring her back!”
He shook his head, lips parting. “I don’t…killed who?”
“My sister. She…she was bullied. Both of us were.”
“Wait.” His eyes flickered with realization. “Did she…?”
“Pills.” I nodded. “It was pills.”
“Prom Queen. It was never for you. It was for your sister.”
“I just wanted to win forher. Forus. To prove to everyone that we’re good enough. That we’re important. That we fucking matter!” I blubbered, burying my face in my hands.
Elliot gently raised my chin with his thumb, and our eyes locked once more.
“You matter. You have always mattered.”
“I don’t!” I cried. “And I’mnotgood enough, and I’mnotimportant, and…and you don’t have to lie for me anymore, Elliot. Everything…everything is just…it’s all fake.”
He licked his lips and squeezed his eyes shut. Letting go of his crouched stance, he sank down fully, rolling backward and landing on his butt.
“But it’s not. Not for me, at least. It never has been.”
“What?”
“Clarke, I fell for you the second I saw you, but I knew that you would never feel the same way.”
I brushed my hand across my face, wiping away the moisture that had accumulated. “That’s not—why would you think that?”
“Because you’re the cute cheerleader, and I’m just a guy who failed his senior year.”
“You’re not.”
“Yes, I am!” He sighed. “But when I got to know you—the real you—things changed. You became a person and not just some flawless girl on a pedestal. Seeing you outside of school…it was refreshing. So, I thought, maybe I had a chance. I thought that maybe we were more alike than I realized.” His lips twitched into a smile, only to waver a moment later. “But then, I saw your journal. What you had written. That’s why I reacted the way I did. But my feelings never changed…they only grew deeper with every second that I’ve known you. And even though it’s barely been a year…Iknowyou, Clarke. And I know that you’re good enough. And I know that you’re important. And I know that you matter.”
“Elliot, I—”
“I get that you don’t feel the same way, I just…I should’ve told—”
“Elliot, stop!” I shouted, cutting off his words. I leaned forward, my eyes glistening as I grabbed his hands with my own. “I do.”
