“You seem to have me confused with some other, much nicer, guy. I don’t care about the general prison population. I did this for my husband.”
Big Tom’s smile was dangerous. “Oh, I know that, Samuel. But the rest of our enslaved brothers do not. They only notice what’s put in front of them, and you’ve provided the quintessential bread and circuses. You give them better food, and you also provide the daily reality entertainment that is your manufactured relationship.”
Samuel took hold of Eli’s wandering hand and linked their fingers together. He needed to subvert the danger but didn’t know how. “I know you won’t believe me, but I have no interest in your power politics. You want to be president of the prison? Go ahead. I know you put a lot of importance into being right, but I’m neither as calculating nor as ambitious as you seem to think I am. I care only about myself, and I've never pretended otherwise.”
Big Tom clicked his tongue. “Whether you’re stumbling around blind, or deliberately sabotaging me, it doesn’t make a difference. It’s results that matter, and you and your African princess are getting entirely too much attention.”
Eli gave his hand a squeeze. A warning? Maybe. He didn’t have much time to think about it, because a moment later Eli had pushed his hand up his shirt to rest on one of his pecs. “That’s no good,” he said, and his voice was entirely too sensual for his mental health. “I can’t fuck you with an audience.”
His next breath was like a knife in his lungs. He knew Eli’s actions were an act, and knew Big Tom was standing right there, but it was his ancient lizard brain in charge, and all it could think about was how much it wanted to reproduce with the man touching him. Did it matter that he didn’t have a womb? Ofcourse not. All it cared about were the heat of those muscles and the organ between those legs.
“Eli,” he said, and he knew how it sounded. Worse, Big Tom heard it, and surprise momentarily erased the condescension on his face.
The arm around him tightened. “Come, puppy,” Eli said, soft as a cat’s purr. “Let me hold you.”
He could see the recalibrations Big Tom was making, and there wasn’t anything he could do to stop it. The man now knew that at least one side of the relationship wasn’t just an act. Was that a good thing or bad thing? Good, he told himself. If Big Tom knew it was real, maybe he’d stop the accusations and leave them alone, but as he allowed Eli to lead him away, he caught the smirk on Big Tom’s face and a shiver went up his back.
As soon as they were in the dorm, Eli’s hold changed. “You alright, puppy?” he asked in his regular voice. “I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable. I just thought—"
“No, you did well. I’m the one who stupidly engaged with him.” He was trying to mask his pitiful state with short sentences, but Eli wasn’t fooled. When had he learned to see through him?
“Here, sit down. Catch your breath.”
“No, It’s—it’s better just to keep moving. Do you have any clean towels?”
“Yes, but sit anyway. I’ll get your things together, so just breathe.”
He usually hated being told what to do, but Eli had the power to invoke the small well of obedience in him. That was how he found himself sitting on the man’s bed with a Hershey bar and a jar of peanut butter to dip it in.
Eli remained close but apart, giving him the space he thought he needed. As if he wanted space. As if he’d wantanything but that hand back on his body.You made me this way, he wanted to yell.Take responsibility! Instead, he sat quietly and finished his chocolate, even though the peanut butter glued his tongue to the roof of his mouth.
Eli didn’t shower with him. Samuel knew it was meant as a courtesy, but it didn’t feel like one. He thought briefly about walking into Eli’s stall anyway. What would the man do if he did? Kick him out? Probably not. Most likely, he’d just laugh and offer to wash his hair. Because to Eli, he was a kid. A dumb kid with no sex appeal and a problematic past.That was how it had always been between them, and yet, when he came out of the shower and nearly bumped into Ned, he thought about starting a fight. Just shoving the guy into the wall and letting it escalate until some of his stupid pitiful resentment was washed away into something even more stupid and pitiful. But he behaved himself. It was what Jenny expected. What Eli expected. What Nathaniel and Hailey expected. To keep his nose clean and stay out of trouble. To be smart. To be safe.
He watched Eli when he dropped his towel. Watched him slather on the coconut butter and sit down to put on his socks. He watched with an on-edge angry lustfulness that had him grinding his teeth together and wanting to punch someone. And why not? Why did he have to be smart? He was just a murderer. A dangerous criminal. No one could expect better from someone like that. No one could want someone like that.
“Where are you going?” Eli called out to him.
He had no idea. “Phone call.”
“Well, hold on a second, I need to—Samuel!”
He took long angry strides down the hallway. The first person that messed with him—the first one to even glance at him—was getting sent to medical. But maybe someone was looking out for him that day, or maybe people had just learned to stay away, because he met no one in the hall. Instead, he came to the phone bank. He didn’t think he had anyone to call. He’d onlymeant to use it as an excuse to get away, but his hand had already lifted the receiver. Nathaniel picked up on the first ring, but Samuel didn’t give the man time for a greeting.
“I’m going to take him from you!” He had the receiver pressed so tightly to his face it would probably bruise. “I’m going to take him, and it’ll be all your fault for being such a stupid trusting asshole!”
He wanted Nathaniel to yell. He’d been waiting for Nathaniel to yell at him since day one. He needed it. His guilt needed it. He was going crazy.
“Sam,” Nathaniel said, and he wasn’t yelling. He didn’t even sound angry.
He couldn’t believe it. “Did you hear me?”
“You want Eli, and you’re finally going to do something about it.”
He would have thrown the phone if it weren’t connected to the box. “And that’s it? That’s all you have to say?”
“What do you want me to say? That I’m surprised? I’m not. Or maybe I am. That you lasted this long.”
“It’s not a joke! I can’t take this anymore!”
