His fingers felt ready to snap from the grip they had in Eli’s shirt, but he couldn’t make himself loosen them.
“Let’s go somewhere safe,” Eli said. “Do you want the closet? Or somewhere with a lot of people?”
“Closet. Quick. Please.”
“Do you want to walk? I can carry you.”
But he made himself walk, even though his legs were jelly and he could hardly see. The fear wouldn’t let up. It was there to protect him, he knew, but it was so strong it was making him useless. If The Android came up on him now, he’d be done. Gone. But it would hurt first. The fear told him so. It would hurt more, much more, than anything Mr. Edwards had ever done to him, and that had him feeling like an idiotfor ever fearing such an ordinary pervert. This type, The Android, was worse—so much worse—than anything he’d come across before.
They were nearly at the closet, almost down the hall, when the tremors turned to sobs. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried. Maybe in that room with Mr. Edwards. He should have been too scared to cry, but with Eli’s arms around him all he could think about was how much he didn’t want them to let go.
“Shh, Samuel. Shh.”
“I want Jen. I want my sister.”
“I know. I wish Than were here. Lean on me.” Eli shifted his hold and pushed the door open somehow, and then they were inside, but it wasn’t safe. Nowhere was safe now. He’d been so stupid. Protector? Him? He couldn’t even protect himself.
He was still crying like a useless idiot. The sound, though not loud, could still give them away if The Android was searching. Maybe even now, watching, the way he had been last night.
“He had a key. It was just me and him and he could have come in at any time.”
“Who did? Who was with you?”
They were against the wall again, facing the door. Samuel realized how stupid a choice the closet was, isolated and walled off from any escape. If The Android came, they’d have to gothroughhim for freedom.
“We need to go back. To get out. The dormitory or the cafeteria. Somewhere with witnesses. We need—”
“To breathe. That’s what we need. Take a breath with me.” Eli took both of his hands. One he pressed to his chest, the other to his neck. The man breathed in, swelling his chest impossibly wide. It worked as a distraction if nothing else. He could feel the warmth of him through the jumpsuit. It was real. Something to hold on to. Eli breathed out, and with it followed his own breath.They breathed in again, and out. It happened automatically, their breathing syncing up.
“Are you cold, puppy? You’re shivering.”
His teeth were chattering too. Another thing he thought only happened in movies. Eli didn’t wait for his answer and wrapped him up tight. It meant Samuel’s face was pressed into his neck. He should have panicked more from the restriction. Wrapped up like that it was impossible to run, but he only wanted Eli to hold him tighter.And then the words were coming. “You weren’t there. I needed you, and you weren’t there.” When he’d been frozen, when he hadn’t been able to move, a part of him had been waiting. Hoping. “Where were you? I needed you.”
Eli made a horrible sound then, like a wet gasp, the kind of sound you’d make if someone was plunging a knife into your gut. “I’m sorry, puppy. I’m so sorry.”
“He’ll kill me. I saw it in his eyes. He touched me and I couldn’t move. Like a curse, I couldn’t—”
“No oneis going to kill you, puppy. They’d have to go through me first.”
Samuel clung to him; clung like he’d never clung to anyone, not even his sister. She was strong, but if he’d held on this tight, he would have hurt her. But Eli seemed immune to hurt, even if that was a lie. He could be hurt. Samuel had seen it. In some ways, the man was weaker than anyone he’d ever met. A slice of bread could incapacitate him, and yet, Eli was the one he wanted.
“I’m afraid.” The words were so stupid. Obviously, he was afraid. Why else would he be clinging and sniveling like this? But the words burst out of him anyway, bringing with them even more fear and shaking.
“Tell me everything. Start from the beginning.”
He didn’t want to tell it over. Didn’t want to make it anymore real than it already was. But he did share it, all of it, including the part about him touching himself, because that was part of the story too. Eli didn’t say anything as he listened, not until the end. His only response was the increasing tightness of his hold and the hand in his hair. When Samuel finally fell silent, Eli pressed his cheek to his and said, “You aren’t to leave my side at all. Do you hear me? Not to go to the bathroom. Not for visits. Nothing. You stay by my side, within my reach, at all times.”
He didn’t expect Eli to believe him, much less understand his sense of urgency. It left him suddenly doubting his own understanding. “Maybe it was just in my head. Maybe he just—”
“No.” Eli’s voice was reinforced concrete. “You didn’t imagine it. That man’s a psycho and he’s got his eyes on you. So you have to promise, swear to me right now you won’t let him get you alone. Because if I turn around and you’re not at my side I’m going to panic, and I’m not having my first heart attack at thirty-five. I know you value your privacy, and I wish I could give that to you, but not while he’s here. Promise me, Samuel.”
He promised. He couldn’t imagine anything he valued less than privacy right then. He was a barnacle and Eli was the ship he was stuck to. A part of him, quiet, but not particularly small, was worrying about how much he already trusted Eli. Hadn’t he decided he was dangerous? When had that changed? It didn’t matter. His fear had shattered all his illusions, and he knew where things stood. He had Eli, and Eli had him.
“I’ll protect you too. I promise.”
Eli laughed, sad and strained. “Is it so difficult just to focus on yourself for once?”
But he didn’t want to focus on himself. Then he’d be feeling helpless again, and his teeth had only just stopped chattering. He pushed his face back into Eli’s neck. “Are you really going to forbid me from visits?”
