“Can I come in and see you settled?” Sylvie asked, not willing to take no for an answer.
Madison gave her a look which suggested she’d rather eat her own vomit, but she allowed Sylvie to follow her into the shared apartment. The winter dawn was still tucked below the horizon, shrouding the place in darkness, and her housemates slumbered in their beds.
Madison slumped on her couch and drew a blanket up to her chin.
“Is there anything I can get you?” Sylvie hovered, desperate tobe useful.
Madison shook her head, her lip trembling.
“I don’t have to leave, if you don’t want me to.” Sylvie sat opposite, grasping at her training for the next thing to do. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Madison’s gaze dropped. “It wasn’t as bad as they said.”
“What wasn’t?”
“The cut. The bleeding. It would’ve healed on its own. I just panicked.”
Sylvie sat forward. “You did the right thing. It’s going to be okay.”
“Is it? Because I can’t stop. I try not to, and then something in my brain takes over, and I’m just not in control of my hands.”
Sylvie was out of her depth here. She fixed her face, careful not to reveal any sign of the shock, panic, and confusion that was coursing through her right now. “No one is judging you. We’re all here to support you.”
Madison shook, tears falling down her mottled cheeks. “I’ve let everyone down. I promised Ade I wouldn’t do it again.”
Sylvie inhaled, not wishing to deny Madison’s feelings but desperate to protect her from any shame. “You haven’t let me down. And you haven’t let Ade down.”
“What am I going to do?”
“You’re going to get some sleep right now. When you’re feeling a little more human, we can talk about the next steps. You have an appointment with a doctor who’s a specialist in this field, so that will help.”
“What’s Ade going to think? I promised her I wouldn’t hurt myself.” Madison cowered and pulled the blanket to her chin.
“Ade will understand that you’re feeling vulnerable. She’s on your side, Madison.” Sylvie straightened. “I don’t want you to make promises to people, okay? We’re here to help you, but you don’t owe anyone any promises.”
Madison’s eyelids dropped with fatigue, so Sylvie tucked her in and said goodbye. If only she could take all the distress andloneliness, wrap it up in a box, and throw it in the river. But life wasn’t that simple. Madison had her own demons to face, and Sylvie had to wish Ade a happy birthday without destroying the mood.
She made her way back to her apartment and brewed fresh coffee, her broken night’s sleep making itself known.
Her cell vibrated on the counter, and Ade’s name lit up on the black screen.
“Happy birthday, you,” Sylvie said, with as much lightness as she could muster.
“Thanks. It’d be better if you were here.”
“We can both agree on that.” Sylvie looked to the ceiling, wishing she was anywhere but in the city right now.
Her thoughts wandered while Ade filled in the blanks with details of her trip.
“You okay over there?” Ade asked.
“I’m fine.” She swallowed back the emotion in her throat. “I’m just tired.”
“Did you have a late night without me?”
Sylvie couldn’t hide the truth. Ade would find out sooner or later and it was best that she heard from Sylvie rather than one of the students. “I was up in the night at the hospital with Madison.”
Sylvie ran through the sequence of events.
