“The second she cries, you seem to know whether to feed or check her nappy. I wouldn't know what to do.”
“You’ll get used to it…if you want.”
“I do. I don’t want to pretend she doesn’t exist like Father did to me.”
Lumi held out the baby. “Father was quite loving.”
Jaki took her. Holding her now seemed especially awkward, and he cocked an ear. “To you.”
“And Tivar.” Lumi leaned forward to drag the bowls closer.
“You can eat first while I hold her,” said Jaki. “And I don’t care about Tivar.”
“Father loved him because he didn't know the future or what would happen. He loved me. He would have loved you too, and honestly, I think he did even though he didn’t keep you andpretended like you never existed. He gave you to Elswere. He thought you’d have a good home and good parents. Didn't you?”
“I did.”
“He couldn't admit what he'd done to Aisi.” Lumi leaned back with his bowl and the wooden spoon and didn’t start eating right away. “Mother would have been heartbroken if she knew he’d been with another. He didn’t want to hurt her either.”
Cat fairies tended to dislike sharing, and they were often more likely to stay true to their spouse since they were possessive, but not always. Father’s straying had resulted in Jaki. Perhaps Reesing hadn’t simply viewed him as a pesky problem to hide. He’d had to choose between hurting his wife or giving his youngest son to someone who would take good care of him.
Jaki had felt loved by Elswere and Preti. To him, they were Mother and Father.
Lumi ate and grew quiet. Jaki glanced at him and caught the hint of the past in his eyes that he didn’t like to see. If he could take it all away, he would. He tried to focus on his daughter.
Dear Elira, those words were strange in his head. It was hard to imagine her in a few years when she could walk and talk. Her personality would be apparent, and if things were better later, she’d have no memory of where she’d been born or a time when the Kingdom was dying.
As soon as Lumi finished, he wanted Jacqueline back. Jaki didn’t know how to feel the same sort of utter enthrallment to his child. Maybe he was already failing at the Father business because while Lumi appeared soothed when he had her in his arms again, Jaki didn’t feel sad or desperate to have her again. He could see she was safe and fine.
He took the bowls back to the fisherman and thanked him for the meal. He was asked to conserve the oil in their lamp since the fisherman didn't have a crystal lantern anymore.
Lumi said they had the brazier, and the dark wouldn’t hurt them. Of course, he wouldn’t be scared of the dark. Far worse lurked in the world. Once Jacqueline was changed and the light was out, Jaki took the floor, and she fussed. Lumi started to sing to her in a soft voice.
Jaki had never heard him actually sing. Sometimes, he’d done little ditties or bawdy tunes to court, but they were usually done in a jokey, sing-song voice. His voice was quite smooth, and Jaki listened until Lumi trailed off. Their daughter seemed to sleep, and quiet settled over the cabin for a few minutes.
Until he heard Lumi fidgeting like he was rearranging the blankets or something. The small brazier flickered, and his shadow shifted.
And then he was getting on the floor with Jaki.
“What are you doing?”
Lumi crawled on top of him. “You almost kissed me once. I want a real one.”
Jaki had gotten as far as brushing his lips on Lumi’s before the dagger slid in. Before, Lumi had barely touched his lips before Jaki had pushed him away and tossed him out in the hall naked after they’d screwed on the floor.
“We shouldn’t.”
“Yeah, I know. We’re brothers. It didn’t matter because I wanted you from the day I first saw you.”
Jaki had too even though he’d tried to stuff his unspeakable lust down. Lumi’s hand sliding under his shirts and coat threatened to stiffen his cock.
“Brothers shouldn’t fuck.”
“I’m sore,” whispered Lumi. “But you could kiss me.”
The shape of his ear twitched in the near dark, and Lumi reached for Jaki’s to play with the tufts. Dear Elira. He had a way of fanning the embers on the burning coal of lust that never, everfully went away even though he’d told himself no more of that. So it was said, so it shall be done.
Wrong.
