They’re just locating my medical history
But don’t freak out
I’ll sort it, just wanted you to know, okay
Surgery now
Love you, sis
“Everything okay?”
I ignored his question, attempting to call Blake whose phone immediately went to voicemail.
“I need to go home.” I said as a matter of explanation, feeling a sense of urgency when I couldn’t get through to my brother for a second time. Reefing my charger from the wall and grabbing anythingwithin reach, I began mentally cataloguing the things I needed to do.
“Shelby. What’s wrong?” Corbin questioned firmly.
I could hear the concern in his voice but I didn’t have time for this conversation. I needed to get out of here. Get to the airport and get on a flight. Blake was in hospital and about to have surgery! For what, I didn’t even know. He wouldn’t be able to manage this alone. He didn’t even know his internet banking password for goodness’ sake, so I was certain he wouldn’t know his insurer let alone how to navigate whatever that shit fight entailed. And I couldn’t even consider the issues with his medical history. What if they accidentally gave him penicillin?
He could die.
The thought alone caused me to falter and I reached for the bed to steady myself. Why did I think travelling across the world was a good idea? He was all I had left. I needed to be close to that accident prone mess of a human.
“Talk to me.” The measured tone of his voice was closer this time, his hand reaching for my shoulder. I wanted to push him away so I could get the heck out of here, but as always, his touch calmed me in an instant. The warmth of his body close to mine, a heated blanket wrapping around me soothingly.
I didn’t have the words to begin to summarise my brother’s current predicament so instead, I opened my phone and showed him the messages.
“He doesn’t even know his blood type. I need to fly home.” I sounded defeated even to my own ears. There was nothing I wanted less than to return to Canada when things felt unfinished here but I would always prioritise Blake. He didn’t have anyone else.
“Hey,” Corbin grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me to face him. He was all bare chest, tousled hair from sleep and illuminated only by the small lamp next to my bed. I wanted to fold myself into his embrace and bury my face in the crook of his neck. Breathein the woodsy scent I knew would be lingering on his unshaved jaw line. But my wants didn’t matter. My family needed me and with that thought, I gently stepped around him and headed into the washroom.
“I’m sorry. I just need a quick shower and to get to the airport.” I was resigned. I knew that whatever this was, it was done and what either of us wanted was irrelevant. I promised myself I would always be Blake’s person and that meant getting there now.
When I came back out less than ten minutes later, Corbin was dressed and sitting on the bed, his suitcase packed. He walked straight over, pulling me into him and I instantly went slack, almost as if my body became disconnected from the chaos it was about to sort for the briefest moment.
“It’s four in the morning. Pack your things and I will look up flights. I know you don’t believe me, but an organised plan will help.” He stated.
My gut said to manage things myself. To get a cab and book a flight on the way to the airport - wherever the hell that was from here. God, I didn’t even know where I was.
But the long strokes of his reassurance on my back, the tender way he swiped his hands across my hair and the feel of his gentle kiss on my forehead were an instant extinguisher to my growing irrationality.
“Okay,” I agreed. “I just need a flight. And then I’ll work out the rest after. His messages didn’t make much sense. I’ll be able to-”
“Shelby,” he pressed his finger to my lips, silencing me. “It’s okay. Can you just give me ten minutes? Whatever I can’t organise in that time, I promise to leave with you.” He was so earnest, so kind, so damn thoughtful that I simply nodded.
It had been so long since I’d had someone to take care of me. Someone beside me when something went askew, so it felt foreign to allow him to take the reins. I was the one who held everything together. When Dad passed, I took care of Blake so Mum could grieve.When Mum was diagnosed, I quit my job and created a business where I could work from home so I could become her full-time carer. I shielded my brother from whatever I could because it was less he would carry once she was gone. And now, he was my responsibility. The chaotic mess himself would be acting aloof and carefree, but I knew him and he would be counting on me to figure things out, because that was what I always did. It was my role.
But now I was having to put my trust in someone else to organise things when it had been me doing it for so long. My instincts screamed to push away and take control, but if I was going to trust anyone, it was him.
Listening to the reassuring beats of his heart, I thought about the mixture of colours I was currently feeling. While I didn’t have time to consider how heartbroken I was going to be when we said goodbye, I could lean on him while he was still here.
“Okay,” I mumbled, nodding against the warmth of his chest. A warmth I wasn’t going to have for much longer. Because as soon as I got on that flight, I was leaving him again. Only this time, it was going to be with a broken heart.
We’d barely spoken on the drive to the airport although I’d been touching him in some fashion the entire way. My feet in his lap while I tried to sleep, his hand holding mine over the console or my fingers tracing patterns against his arm – more to soothe my racing mind than anything else. Blake’s phone was still off and I still wasn’t by his side.
I did my best to ignore the impending goodbye, already feeling a dull ache of sadness beginning in my chest. Corbin didn’t mentionit either although his brow was drawn down, a scowl I hadn’t seen since the very first day marring his features. His fingers tapped mercilessly against the steering wheel and his leg jiggled, both signs of agitation and I really hoped it wasn’t because I’d ruined our trip so suddenly.
It felt dirty in all the wrong ways to leave the day after we shared an incredible night together. A night which I knew would never be replicated no matter how long I lived or how hard I tried.