“You have the same look on your face as when Mum used to ground you for getting into scraps at school.” He smiles at the memory.
“Those bullies deserved to be punched.”
“I’m not sure she agreed, Em. You know her policy wasalwaysbe the bigger person.”
An unexpected surge of grief infiltrates my mind. It isn’t often that I allow myself to think of our mother. She struggled as a single parent, but even in the depths of her illness, she did the best she could.
I credit a lot of my determination to be independent and build my own life to her. Seeing her illness slowly steal everything from her—including her life—terrified me as a young adult.
“I don’t have to go into the office, you know.” Tom watches my facial expression. “It feels crappy, leaving you here alone with all this going on. I’d rather be keeping you company.”
The thought of Tom hovering like a mother hen all day long and just waiting for me to break is infinitely worse than watching Destiny, the blonde Barbie from Beverly Hills, try to find love.
“You have a life and a career. I don’t need you to babysit me.”
“I know. I’m just worried about you.”
With my laces secure, I reach up to press a kiss on his clean-shaven cheek. “Don’t be.”
“Isn’t it kinda my job?” Tom teases, loosening his striped, blue tie. “If I didn’t worry, I’d be a shitty big brother.”
“Like you could ever be that even if you tried. I want you to go to work and continue living your life. Who knows how long the investigation is going to drag on for?”
Tom kicks off his shoes. It’s his routine. He gets home after six o’clock most nights, yanks off his formal persona then snuggles up with me to binge watch TV.
While I love the normality of his routine—waiting for him to come home, bickering over dinner, gossiping about his boyfriend—it isn’t enough. Pretending this is all normal is slowly killing me.
“You need to rebuild, Em. Find a new purpose.”
“Like it’s that easy. I can’t even leave the apartment without a guard. We don’t know who we can trust or who works for Gael. I’m barely fucking alive!”
“Hey.” He stretches out a hand to squeeze my arm. “I know this is hard, but we need to know you’re safe while Gael is still at large. I won’t allow him to hurt you again.”
“The investigation could take years! I can’t hide behind a bodyguard forever.”
“You won’t have to. With your intel, Warner and the Anaconda Team will hunt these bastards down. Once they’ve been apprehended, you’ll be safe.”
A million different versions of the bright future he’s dangling in front of me dance through my mind, yet all I feel ishopelessness. I’ll never live a normal life. Or return to the person I was. Or forget all that I’ve seen. Or sleep soundly without nightmares ever again.
Gael is too powerful to be caught. My life will always be under threat as long as he’s out there, determined to reclaim his prized champion. That means I’m indefinitely stuck in this awful limbo.
Tom can’t handle that truth, and I understand why. Just like I refused to entertain the specialists who told us that our mother’s life was coming to an end. Sometimes, the truth is too much to bear.
“I only just got you back, trouble.” Tom’s voice cracks as his shining eyes duck to the floor. “Let me take care of you now.”
Sealing my lips shut to trap my next complaint inside, I nod jerkily. He isn’t trying to hurt or control me. I can see that. His protectiveness is how he shows that he cares.
As much as I appreciate his concern, I need control. I can’t go another night tossing and turning, imagining the parade of battered women being shipped in and out of Gael’s estate.
“I’m gonna get some air.” I grab the light jacket and baseball cap hanging next to the door. “Eat without me. I want to do at least ten miles.”
“You bloody health freak.” He deflates with a strained smile. “Any requests?”
“Nope. Surprise me.”
“Alright, Em. Be careful.”
Taking my phone and my copy of his apartment key, I blow him a kiss. “Always am.”
