“It did. And by the seventh grade, I was a whole head taller than most guys in my class. And hockey hadn’t just helped with my confidence. I was stronger than all the guys who used to push me around and taunt me before.”
Bex understands. “So you would never hurt someone who can’t defend themselves, because you’ve been bullied before.”
She’s covering her naked torso with her arms, but she’s no longer cowering.
“I wouldn’t. But if there’s one thing that makes me see red, is to see someone being pushed around because they’re perceived as weaker. I’m sorry if I scared you, Bex. But I hope you understand that I would never, ever touch you to cause harm.”
“Ok.” she whispers. “Jamie, can I ask you something?”
I take one of her hands in mine, pulling her closer to me again. “Sure.”
“You said the boys at your school pushed you around and the girls were watching and laughing. Is this why…”
Oh, fuck. “Why I don’t do relationships?”
“Yeah.”
“Maybe?” I offer. “Look, I’m not a psychology major or anything. But I guess part of the reason might stem from that time. You have to understand that at first I was the laughingstock of my class. Then, once I grew a few inches, and I put on some muscle, all the girls who used to laugh at me suddenly wanted to date me. I dated them, but I couldn’t forget how they treated me before. So I didn’t let anyone get too close. With the years, I guess that turned into meaningless hookups. But it’s not because I don’t respect women. I hope you understand that. I guess I never found anyone who I wanted to get to know better. But I never lied to anyone about what I was offering. And I would never do anything the other person didn’t want.”
She looks at me for a long moment. “I was hurt that you guys didn’t want to let me stay.” She blurts out.
I guess we’re doing this too right now. “I know, and I’m sorry.”
She shrugs, and it’s obvious that my apology isn’t enough. “It’s not like I don’t understand. I’m a stranger. You guys don’t owe me anything.”
“That’s true,” I agree. “But you’re helping me with this reputation mess, so I want you to understand why I said no when Luke asked.”
“Ok. I’m listening.” There’s some diffidence in her green eyes, but she doesn’t pull her hand out of mine.
“The first time I saw you, I thought you were hot. And until those assholes ruined our night, we were having a lot of fun together.”
She agrees. “We were. That’s why it hurt so much when you and Connor said no. I mean, Keene is a misogynistic asshole, but I was surprised that you guys didn’t even want to try to help. Especially because Luke said you’re his best friends.”
There’s nothing better than the truth. It’s something I live by. “I said nobecauseLuke is my best friend. I knew that if I agreed to let you live with us, there would be no way I wouldn’t be tempted to get closer to you. And I thought Luke would have never been ok with me showing any interest in his sister. I’m sorry if it was selfish, but I thought that not having you under our same roof would be best for both of us. Besides, Keene and Connor were against it, so my vote wouldn’t have made a difference. It’s no justification, but that’s why I said no. It wasn’t because I didn’t want you. It was because maybe I wanted you a little too much.”
This time, she smiles. “You want me?”
“Duh,” I chuckle. “Our relationship might be fake, but there’s nothing fake about how hot I think you are.”
Bex’s smile widens. “I think you’re hot, too.”
I can’t resist the urge to provoke her a little. “But you also think Connor is hot.”
Bex blushes. “I do. I’m sorry.”
I pull her into my arms. “Why are you sorry? You don’t know him that well, but Connor is a great guy. He’s total boyfriend material, whereas I’m not. Do you have a crush on him?”
She opens her mouth to say something, but then closes it again. “I don’t know. I like you too, Jamie. A lot. I know we’re fake, but I don’t want you to think I’m some kind of slut or anything.”
I hate how dejected she looks. Someone must have done a real number on her. And I put my fucking money on Priestly.
“Bex, even if you like both me and Connor, that doesn’t make you a slut. I hate slut shaming and, believe me, women aren’t the only ones who find themselves on the receiving end of it. Do you think I don’t know what people say about me on campus? Women might throw themselves at me, but I’m just a bit of fun to them. Someone they’ll remember one day, when they’re married to someone they probably don’t even feel attracted to anymore. For some of the girls who gravitate around the team, I’m nothing but a checkmark on a score card. Literally. It never bothered me much because I know if you sleep around, you’re bound to get a reputation. But that doesn’t make me a slut. And liking two guys doesn’t make you one either. As long as we’re honest about what we want, and what we’re willing to give, and we’re upfront about it, no one has the right to judge.”
She looks at me, her eyes intense. “And what do you want from our fake relationship? What are you willing to give?”
I place a soft, light kiss at the base of her neck. “Honestly? I don’t know. I’m not too worried about figuring it out right now, either. We’ve agreed to be in this relationship until the end of the academic year. I might suck at being a boyfriend, but I know I can be a great friend. I want you to feel safe with me. And if you want, we can have a lot of fun together. Without judgement and without worrying about what happens later.”
“Really?” she asks.
