Then Fiona broke my heart, and Jamie convinced me that rebound was the only way to get over my ex. Hence, I unexpectedly became a party animal. The fact that I joined Gamma Delta Tau freshman year—like most of the hockey team—and that Fiona is a Zeta was just the icing on this particular fucked up cake. Rebounding became my way to show Fiona that I was over her and I made a point of parading my conquests in front of her as much as possible.
Jamie argued that hooking up with willing Zeta sisters and puck bunnies was pointless if I did it so that Fiona could see me.
You can’t get over someone if every time you fuck another woman, all you can think about is, did she see me taking her upstairs?
Did she look upset seeing me with someone else?
I suck at rebounds. Proof is that I didn’t even try to talk to a girl on or off campus the entire summer break. What was the point if Fiona can’t see me? So the summer was as dry a spell as the Sahara desert.
Tonight I might break that spell because I know she’s going to be at the Gamma party.
Bingo. I spot Fiona’s red hair the second I set foot in the frat house. I wait for the familiar quickening of my pulse, instead a painful lump expands in my throat and I stand there frozen in shock.
She brought her TA boyfriend to the party. She’s dangling from his arm, laughing with her sorority president and a group of her sisters.
That used to be me six months ago.
“Is that the infamous Fiona?” Keene asks, his voice high enough that it can be heard over the party noise, but low enough that I’m the only recipient of his question.
“That obvious?” I snort, attempting to sound self-deprecating but hitting a pathetic note dead on.
Keene can come across quite gruffly in confirmation that you can take a guy out of the army but not the other way around. This time, however, he’s not as blunt as I’ve become used to since he joined our team and moved into our condo when summer training started. “Not that obvious, but I’m very good at getting a hang of surroundings, and your eyes stayed on her for a beat longer than anyone else.”
Well, fuck. “Yeah, that’s her and her new man.”
He clasps my shoulder. “Her loss, dude. Guy looks old, even older than me.”
Keene was in the army for five years, so that makes him twenty-three, two years older than all of us seniors.
“Yeah, I think the guy’s doing his master or some post graduate shit, whatever. I think he’s twenty-eight or something like that.”
His eyes stay on Fiona and her group for a beat longer. “That’s not gonna last,” there’s certainty in his tone. “That guy will want to settle down at some point. Your ex is clearly not over her party phase. They want different things, and when that will become glaringly obvious, she’ll crawl back, begging you for a second chance.”
Hmm. “I’ve spent every waking minute since she broke up with me, obsessing over how to get her back. It never occurred to me that it might be that easy.” I admit.
Keene’s eyes bore into me as if he were trying to read my mind. “Right. And when she begs you to take her back,” he asks. “What are you going to say?”
I open my mouth to give him the answer that would have been obvious a month ago, but I hesitate. “Fuck. I don’t know. I thought I wanted her back, but now I’m not so sure.”
He nods. “Because you saw a side of her that you didn’t know existed. You trusted her, but not only did she walk away from you, she cheated. If she had broken things off with you to play the field, so to speak, giving her a second chance would purely depend on your feelings for her. But she cheated. Which means she was fucking someone else behind your back for a while. And even before that, she was looking for something outside of your relationship. All the while, you trusted her.”
I look at my teammate. Keene doesn’t speak a lot, but when he does, he usually nails it, dammit. “So if I take her back, who’s saying that she isn’t going to cheat again?”
“Winner, winner, chicken dinner.” His expression remains stony. “I usually hate platitudes. But once a cheater, always a cheater has some fucking merit to it. Would you ever be able to trust her again? If she had a dance practice that ran longer, if she was out of town with her sisters, or away with them on spring break. But even further than that. You’re going pro. That means a lot of time on the road, sometimes for days on end when you have a string of away games. Is your head going to be in the game, or are you going to think about what she’s doing while you’re away?”
Motherfucker.
I hate to admit it, but he’s right. “You’ve given that some thought.” I say it with a hint of sarcasm, but Keene’s stony expression doesn’t budge.
“I’ve had nothing but time to think about it.” He offers.
We make our way to the kitchen and as I grab two beers from a cooler on the floor, passing one to him, I debate whether I should ask him what the fuck happened to him. All we were told by Coach when Keene joined the team was that he left the military and was in the process of getting a divorce. The rumor going around the locker room was that his wife cheated on him. When Keene showed up with his cat in tow, it was more than clear that he wasn’t up to talking about his recent past.
But since he’s showing interest in my personal life and he’s been so insightful about my situation, I dare ask the question on the tip of my tongue.
“It sounds like you’re speaking from experience?”
His jaw ticks, his eyes narrowing into two furious slits, and for a second, I think he’s about to punch me in the face.
