That suggestion pierces a soft spot in my heart, tempting me with the notion that he might actually care. Although the hole is entirely too small to matter.
“I don’t understand you, or why you don’t seem interested in me, but promise me you won’t die,” I grind out, that humor fleeting. “I have alotof questions, and you owe me.”
Ern’s eyes soften, and it’s truly messing with me to think it’s mydadwhen I feel like I knowthisperson more than him. “We both know we can’t promise that. It’s why I did what I did with Cypress, because that’s the closest I can get to promising I’ll take care of you.”
Take care of me.
My jaw clenches shut, my eyes vibrating back and forth as I look all over a face that hid my father for so long.
‘I’ll take care of you.’
He said that once before, didn’t he... with my head burrowed in his neck as I sobbed when he carried me away, my mother’s blood still on my hands from when I tried to heal her. I remember how much he smelled like the ocean.
“Again, we have a lot to cover,” I say, clearing my throat. “Just don’t die, alright?”
“I’ll try.”
My heart numbs itself again, just wanting to get all this over with so we can be on the other side—the sound of a raven makes me narrow my eyes. What—why…
The double door that separates this space from the rest of Skull’s Row cracks open, seemingly on its own accord, as a black bird enters the space, its feathers splayed out as it glides over to an unlit torch, perching on the metal with a curling of its feet. The eyes are completely red like a white rat’s, its head turning with an unnatural acuity as it looks at my father.
“It’s time to go,” my dad loudly proclaims. “You’re with me, Jane. Soren and the rest will trail behind.”
I glance back at Soren, already despising the meresuggestionof this distance. What if we get separated? How am I supposed to find him among the sea of people, hells, thevastnessof this continent?
I know he can look for me, but I don’t want to have to sit and wait again. My chest constricts with rapid breathing, feeling like this is losing my father all over?—
“Let’s go,” Ern commands—mydad. The raven flies out of the space, and I’ve been around long enough to be aware that a chain of actions has started, like igniting the wick of a candle that can never be put out.
Following Ern, my dissociation is strong as I keep glancing back at Soren whose lips part, almost as if he is about to tell them to wait—is there hurt in his eyes?
It doesn’t matter, as Donna gently touches my shoulder and guides me forward.
An ache in my chest blooms from roots that have entrenched in my soul before, wishing at least Anya or Bones was with me.
Theycould find Soren, no doubt, so I wouldn’t have to wait. Or wonder.
The comfort from everything Soren has given me is completely ruined by an uncontrollable sense of betrayal. I went so long without loving anyone—save for Kathleen—and now I find I don’t know what to do with all these feelings.
Facing ahead as I follow a man I’ve thought about nearly every single day, it’s utterly confusing when, deep down, I choose Soren. I want to stay withhim. Or maybe I’ve already lived through losing my father, so it’s a pain I don’t fear.
I can’t do it again with someone else.
“You’re with us, Jane, because I can look like another,” Dad explains, as if he knows what plagues my heart. “I can’t read much past that from you, but I can see your aura grows thicker with betrayal the further we walk.”
Oh, shit, I forgot about that.
“I can’t lose him like I lost you,” I say, the desperately lonely part of me speaking to him with slight poison on my tongue. “I don’t…”
I don’t want to do this.
Maryanne’s voice screams at me:COWARD.
That’s when he pauses and looks back at me, his face morphing into the Scorpion. It’s the first sentiment in his eyes, aside from when he spoke about Mother. Surprise and grief haunt his mahogany stare, and honestly, I’d rather look athimthan Ern.
It makes me feel better to look at a man that Iknowis capable. Someone that might be able to get me back to Soren.
“Jane, when this is all done, it’sdone. Rest is coming for you li—” he pauses, a humorous expression momentarily winning out. “Was about to call you little menace.”
