“Well, look at this gentleman,” I tease, noting that whateverenigmaticexpression was in his eyes has returned, as if Ryder is in the middle of a very heated fight inside of him.
“Oh, Icanbe. I’m not uncultured. Just picky.”
I face forward as he follows, hyperaware of my surroundings, replaying “just picky” in my head.
It’s hard to suppress the jittery butterflies once we reach the hotel and I get a room key—all for me. I glance Ryder’s way when we are parting for the evening, who unabashedly gives me a one-over before Andrew smacks him on the shoulder to make a jovial comment, completely unaware.
* * *
I sit in a corner of the courtyard that night after having set up my outfit for the gala the following day. Other fighters haunt the hotel, the place flooded with fans who are attending the arena tomorrow. I decided to hang out with the reliableme, myself,andI, while also getting some fresh air.
Focusing on anything other than Ryder is nearly impossible. If I manage to break away from my thoughts of him, I’m only able to consider the logistics of moving… which is a desire for independence, just in case, well—just in case.
Staring at my phone, I scroll through Zillow until someone walks through the gathering crowd by the door, nearing me. Lifting my chin, I confirm it’s Ryder, dressed in his jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, and a black barn jacket. He sits down next to me, his cologne like a hypnotic invitation.
It would be so much easier to focus if he didn’t seek me out like this.
“How’re you doing?” I ask, averting my attention to the small fire pit in front of me, eyeing the flickering flames, pulling my jacket tighter as I slide my phone into my pocket. It’s not terribly cold out, but the temperature is definitely dropping.
“Hanging in there. Ready to fucking fight, rather than go to this stupid dog and pony show tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I don’t blame you. Tomorrow will be interesting, but I’d be wanting to get into the ring, too.”
“What about you? How does it feel to be representing the gym?”
My eyes trail over the concrete patio, a ghost of a smile on my face. “I don’t even know, honestly. I don’t think it’s actually hit me.”
Ryder opens his mouth, only for it to close, like he’s filtering through what to say. He sighs, and without prompt, speaks as if he wants to get something off his chest, “I also told Andrew to leave you alone after he tried to dog you again. Doubt it’ll work, but let me know if he rides your case.”
“Talking about me?” I ask, glancing at him.
“Just the usual bitching,” he gripes, leaning into his chair. Ryder flicks his gaze from me to the fire pit. “From his end, not mine.”
I swallow thickly as if cotton’s in my mouth, forming fists inside my pockets. “What’s he bitching about, so I know? Not gonna throw it in his face, but it might help to know why he’s feeling testy. I really do want to be on his good side tomorrow. It’s a big day for youandthe gym.”
“Your loyalty to Jeremy. That shit is personal to me, so I didn’t have any of it,” he vents. Then he sucks his lips to his teeth, as if realizing he’s just given away something too close to heart. Rather than resort to his usual withdrawal, he actually looks at me with concession. “You know... I don’t think I’ve said it yet, but I’m actually doing all of this for my sister. So, I got a thing for sibling loyalty. Pisses me off when he dogs you for it.”
“Oh, you are?” I ask, trying to play it off as if it’s not a big deal to learn that piece of his life. He’s like a deer that I’ve finally managed to convince to eat from my hand—any movement, or sign that I’m getting too personal, could scare him off.
He sighs, shifting slightly as his eyes flick back and forth over the fire that casts moving shadows, rubbing his chin while a small smile forms. Something warms his eyes in a way that I haven’t seen before.Or maybe it’s just the flames reflecting in them...
A hard-bitten expression eats away at the kindness. “My sister had breast cancer, and she has a shitload of bills. I’m trying to take care of it for her, so she doesn’t have to go through with bankruptcy. It’s putting a lot of stress on her marriage. She’s basically to me what Jeremy was to you. Insurance covered a ton, but they still owe way more than what they can pay. And I can’t let that happen to them because my niece and nephew deserve better than another failed fucking system screwing with a kid’s life. Mine’s already messed up enough from that.”
I avert my gaze, sucking in the cold air of the New York night. “I’m so sorry to hear that, Ryder. I am glad she still has you and that you have her.”
The daydreaming begins, wondering what life would be like if Jeremy had survived. I quickly move on from that, as now isn’t the time for such emotion. “If you’re doing this for her, then you’re one of the better men I’ve met.”
“It’s why I don’t talk about it. People catch wind of it, and they go all soft on me,” he replies. “Wish I could of met your brother. Sounds like he’d be nicer than Andrew. Although, I’m ready to hit someone because of that dude. So that’s always a bonus, I guess.”
I smile, staring up as a plane flies overhead, the lights disappearing into the dark clouds. “He used to admire you. Jeremy did. He’d watch you religiously.”
I’m not sure what comes over me, but as nonchalantly as I can possibly muster, I quietly tell him, “I used to have a crush on you, too, you know. When I was like nineteen and Jeremy wouldn’t stop watching your fights.”
“Bullshit.”
“No joke,” I say, grinning as I look at him, although my heart is frantically pounding in my chest, daring and fearless.
I figure, at worst, the revelation will either turn into a joke between us as we drift back to being platonic, or, at best, it will serve as an icebreaker and a real gauge for how he feels.
