“Well, first, is it light flirting, or is heactuallyflirting?”
“I think... I think it was actual flirting,” I confess, not sure how to re-phrase his comment, given the lewd nature. I laugh and shake my head. “Like, I can’t even really repeat it without it sounding inappropriate. But he also seems to have been surprised that he even said it in the first place. Which isn’t that big of a deal now that I think about it, given the gym that I work at. But I don’t know... it’s the way he looked at me afterward. You know what? No, I’m fine. I’m just really reading into things.”
“Jules... just take a deep breath, alright? You’ve been through a tremendous amount, especially in the last twenty-four hours. Your emotions will be all over the place because of it.”
I hold my breath until my chest burns, something about another person phrasing it that way making it all seem so obvious now. “I know, and I think because everything always goes wrong... I’m now expecting for me to go to work, and for him to either tell me to back off or request a replacement for his team. I should have been more careful last night. I’ve probably scared him off.”
“You’re on guard, dear. And vulnerable. You’re probably overthinking it. And if you aren’t, you can handle whatever he’s going to throw at you. This stuff happens, you know?”
“Yeah,” I mutter. “I don’t think I have a point or a proper question... I just... wanted to not feel so in my head.”
“Well, my door’s always open. Helping you and Tiff gives me a new kind of joy that I can’t quite explain. So, don’t worry about it, alright? You both remind me a lot of Sharon.”
This woman has lost adaughter, and I’m wallowing in my own misery of “should I or shouldn’t I” think about banging a co-worker. I stand up straighter, the air feeling cooler, and I know I can handle this.
“Thanks, Dolores... I mean it.”
“You’re welcome, Julie. And just remember that life is short, dear. We both have experienced that firsthand. So, live it. Do what makes you happy. Never feel guilty for prioritizing yourself.”
A wave of chills pebbles my skin, those words waking me up more than any pot of coffee.
“I owe you, Dolores. You’re like sunshine when it’s been raining for two weeks.”
She chuckles. “Well, good, plants wilt when it rains too much. Get yourself some sun and soak it in. Just don’t beat yourself up while you’re trying to bloom, alright? Have a good day, Jules.”
“I will now, thanks to you.”
After hanging up, I tilt my head back, my eyes trailing the jagged lines of the tree’s bark. No, I’m alright. Ryder and I have pretty decent chemistry, and that’s all it is. I’ve stood under this oak tree plenty of times for cookouts, and I won’t let all my hard work go to waste because I can’t keep my hormones in check.
I nearly jog to work that morning, but decide to show up refreshed. This is something I can do. I can take control of my life.
It’s pointless to deny that I immediately seek out Ryder while I near my office. Will he ignore me? Act as if nothing happened? Just as long as he doesn’t hate me, then all of this is doable.
When I’m making my rounds and watching Ryder punch the shit out of a bag, he occasionally looks my way. To my surprise, the eye contactlingers. At first, I think maybe he’s just trying to stare me down, like he knowswhyI’m looking.
And when I lean against the wall to casually survey the gym, I see him sitting on a bench as he’s unwrapping his fists after sparring, his lips protruding from the mouthguard. He’s unabashedly watching me. That glowerfrom a fight mixes with whatever else he harbors in those damn eyes, and my heart skips an unhealthy amount of beats.
Especially since he doesn’t even flinch or attempt to avoid me.
He’s staring me down, almost like…
I handle his glare with the opposite of finesse, nearly running into some workout equipment as my scarlet cheeks are no doubt on full display.
Alright, maybe I’m going crazy. How can that man go from wanting to keep a huge distance between us, to acting like he’s actually considering something?
Ihaveto be going crazy.
To keep my mind occupied for the rest of the day, I focus on my weekly itinerary back in my office. That unfortunately only lasts for all of two minutes before I dissolve into staring at my computer screen while my mind races with possibilities. Well, shit, what if heisinterested? Maybe it’s just physical. Like he just needs to get laid. Or maybe webothneed to get laid. By other people. Not with each other, clearly.
Clearly.
Why did he have to do that? Something dangerous is now alive inside my body, ineveryregion.
Julie, stop. You’re not doing anything with him.
No, the angel on my shoulder is right, especially as it tries to gag the devil on the other side: All that’s happened so far is I gave him a flirty laugh in Andrew’s home, he’s a horny fighter, and so now we’re just in an awkward tango. He’s drawn so many thick, deep lines in the sand that there’s no way he’s willing to crossthisone.
And I’m not, either.
