I’m behind him, but his face is partially facing me, and I can see the way he allows himself to smile. “A sassy one.”
“Because you’re not sassy at all.”
Our gazes meet when he stands, and it seems like he might actually engage in real banter, like hewantsto. But we’re only two feet apart, and I refuse to believe that he doesn’t notice the pink flush of my cheeks.
I don’t know what to do, as he’s also not moving away from me like he would have a week ago. Clearing my throat, I say, “At least that idiot got what was coming to him.”
“You deal with that a lot?”
“Oh yeah, especially with new guys. Was easier when Jeremy was here because no one messed with me then. It’s been a while since we had new faces here… now it’s just me.”
Ryder nods, grabbing his shirt. “Except that Luke guy.”
My heart thrums away, my voice nearly cracking. “What about Luke?” My hands suddenly feel like awkward appendages as I can’t figure out what to do with them.
“He’s the only other one coming to help you,” he points out, raising a brow.
“Oh, yeah. He’s not a bad guy. Neither are you,” I mutter before thinking.
“Oh, shut up,” he retorts, although there’s nothing but humor in his eyes. “You and the other one got a thing?”
Wait, why is he asking?If I thought this man sent electric heat through me before, I was mistaken. I’m nearly dizzy from the implication. “Nope. I’m so single that my strongest relationship is with my Netflix account.”
His expression changes, his unguarded eyes revealing something I don’t know how to interpret. His chuckle is muffled by a bite of his lips, shaking his head as he walks by me, like I pleasantly surprise him.
And just like that, Ryder blends back into the gym, and I’m left trying to understand the absolute complexity of that man.
J U L I E
* * *
On my way home,my stomach is alive with nerves and theories. I'm confident I won't sleep tonight. What was that look from Ryder when he walked away? Why does Luke even matter to him? And I can’t stop wondering what the hell changed with him…
I pull up to my house and sit in my car, staring ahead after managing to parallel park. It will be another long, quiet night of sitting with my thoughts, especially since my heart is crisscrossing every professional and personal line.
I want to text Tiffany about Ryder. Or call Dolores. Or even somehow chat with Jeremy.
Jeremy.I need to find a center, to remind myself why I'm doing all of this in the first place.
Opening my phone, I scroll through old pictures and find some of Tiffany and Jeremy on a trip, smiling for the camera. He's as lean as always, his short brown hair freshly cut. Tiffany gives a red-lipped grin, her arm tightly wrapped around Jer. I have a lot of these pictures, as she practically lived with us once they got serious. Scrolling through, I pause on one of Jeremy glaring at the camera after I told him to smile and look beautiful.
At least that does the trick—how can I possibly be getting all high and flirty with the legend that might immortalize this dead man's dream? With an annoying grief, misery erupts in my chest, staring at my phone, my chipped nail-polish a reminder that I’ve refused to pay for a manicure since everything fell apart.
I need the money from this.
Flirting with Ryder could mess itallup.
For everyone.
Still… Ryder got to me today. Out of every person I know, I want to tellJeremythat Ryder stood up for me. My fantasies continue, imagining Jer and I grabbing drinks and discussing how excited we are for Warlord. I even imagine my dead brother's face ifhehad been the one to greet Ryder when he first entered our doors...
It’s the cold, ice bath that I need.
Rather than be here with me, all Jeremy can do is stare at me through a screen.
Like the ghost that he is.
The more that life moves on without Jeremy, the further away he becomes. It's like living your life with someone, only to come home one day and find that it’s so quiet you can hear yourself breathing.
