“I’m sure it’s not the tiniest place on earth.” I counter, a furrow between my brows.
“But how do you know? Have you checked?”
I smile at my odd but most supportive best friend and wish she were here. “I guess you got me there.”
“So what’s going on with you? Have you found your long-lost soulmate and made up and now will ride happily ever after on one of his bulls?”
I snort and shake my head, my eyes on the corkboard above my old desk where pictures from my past hang. I stand to get a closer look, my finger reaching out to trace a picture of Jax and me at prom our senior year of high school. I was staring at whoever was taking the photo, probably my mom. Jax was looking down at me like I was the best part of his world. I think about how I took his love and commitment to me for granted and frown again. “He doesn’t ride the bulls. He distracts them.”
“Huh. I don’t get that at all, but I’m not going to look for the explanation.” She blows out a breath. “Anyway, have you?”
“Have I what?”
“Worked it out with Cowboy Charming over there!”
Her tone sounds half pleading and half sarcastic, so it’s hard to know if she’s serious. “No. That’s not why I’m here.”
“Why are you there, then?” I know Erin thinks that I came home to find Jax. I sure talked about him enough for her to take that assumption and run with it. But the real reason I found myself in my hometown was because I wanted to be in a safe place when I needed it the most.
“I need my parents for this, Erin. I can’t do it without them.”
For a moment, she’s quiet, save for a little hum on her end. “I get that. I do. But you have me, and you’ve lived without your parents’ help for twelve years now. Do you really think you can’t do this?”
I bite my tongue and move back to my bed, leaving the past behind as I do so. I can reminisce over prom and being with Jax and having some of the best days of my life all I wanted. But it was the past, and it was high time I moved on.
“Babies are scary.”
“Babies are babies. They require a lot of work and a lot of attention. But if you got a nanny, and you have me, we can handle this.”
“I know you would help me,” I tell her, being completely honest. But I knew Erin. The new shiny objects were fun for a while. Then she wanted to move on.
A baby would be no different.
“So why not come home?” she asks.
Because it’s not home. The little voice inside of me startles my thoughts, and I pause.
For the past five years, I’ve lived in my home in California. It was up high enough that I could see the ocean and smell the sea salt. The house itself was gorgeous and would be plenty of space for me and my future child. But was space enough? I wouldn’t have my mom, my dad. I wouldn’t have people in my life who really cared, aside from Erin, who would care, just at a distance, eventually.
“I need to tell my parents,” I say to her instead of what was really going on in my head.
“You haven’t told them yet?” Surprise laces her voice, and I cringe.
“No?”
“Felicity, you have to tell your parents. Who knows how their reaction will be. It may answer some of these questions for you.”
I frown at her remark. “What do you mean by that?”
“Not all parents are thrilled with being grandparents.”
“I have no doubt they’ll be happy. I just wish I had a loving partner to help me through it.”
Erin’s voice grows serious as she says, “Felicity Vogel, you do not need a man to raise a child. You will raise a smart, well-balanced, nearly trauma-free kid and do it with the grace of Princess Di.”
I smile at her words and shake my head. “Thanks, Er.”
“Now, go tell your parents, then call me to fill me in.”
