“Oh fuck.” I rake my hands down my face and stumble away from Nolan’s knowing gaze. I can’t bear it. I turn away from him. “No.”
“She… left?” Lex’s voice is a croak and I turn just in time to see him collapse onto the ground, his knees hitting with such force that it sends a visual jolt through his whole body. “She left.”
“No.” The denial is quick to come to my tongue. “No.” I can’t believe it. She was here. She accepted us. She… I don’t fucking understand. “We killed for her. We…”
“Don’t.” Nolan’s bark is a command that makes my shoulders go rigid, but when I shoot him a glare, he isn’t looking at me. His eyes are back on the street, scanning. “Don’t talk about shit like that out here.”
I follow his attention, searching for whatever he’s seeing that I obviously am not. When I turn to face him again, he’s at Lex’s side and gripping him by the arm.
“Get up, man, we’re going inside.”
My hands clench back into fists and the urge to start throwing them all over again assails me. “Are you fucking serious?” I shake my head. “You’re not bothered by this at all?”
Cold brown eyes flash up to meet mine and then back to Lex. Nolan doesn’t respond as he coaxes a damn near comatose Lex to his feet. He’s still in shock, wavering as he gets to his full height. He tries to take a step towards the road as if he means to follow after Juliet and my chest constricts tight enough to make my breath seize.
I grit my teeth but step in front of my friend, taking him by the shoulders and turning him back towards the house. Together, Nolan and I get him inside and seated on the couch in the living room. Once Lex sinks down onto the cushions, his eyes locked on somewhere distant, but most certainly not in this room, I close my eyes and inhale a deep, long breath.
I’ve only ever seen Lex like this one other time and I shudder at the memory. Nolan and I had been worried he’d kill himself. He’d been inconsolable and we still have no idea what triggered it—only that it had happened years ago.
“Why would she go?” Lex’s softly whispered question has my eyelids lifting.
“I don’t know, man…” I have no answers to give him and it makes me want to wreck something.
Lex leans forward, rocking ever so slightly as his eyes grow more and more distant. Then he presses his forehead into his knees and goes completely silent. I stare down at him with a rising panic swelling in my throat.
What do I do? How do I fix this? Why did she do this to us?
Did you think I was going to be happy being passed between the three of you?
Fuck. My eyes burn. Actually fucking burn… like I’m going to cry or some shit.
Unable to face Lex any longer, I back away from him, one step and then another and another until my back hits the wall next to the television. My breath chokes in my lungs and my eyes turn scalding hot as I fight the urge to lose control.
Fuck this. I can’t stay here any longer.
Nolan returns to the living room, having disappeared down the hall minutes after we reentered the house. I don’t spare him a glance as I shove off the wall and head for the front door.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“None of your fucking business,” I snap, slamming out into the front yard. My Firebird sits in the driveway from where I’d dropped it off after school so that we could all ride in Lex’s SUV together. I palm my keys as the door behind me swings open and jump into the driver’s seat.
The engine roars to life as Nolan watches me from the porch, his arms folded. I refuse to look at him. He’s just as much to blame for this mess as Juliet. He’s supposed to be the one to control everything. He’s our fucking leader, the one with the plan. He didn’t even try to stop her.
I gun the throttle and speed out of the driveway. The smell of burning rubber reaches my nostrils, but I ignore it as I press down on the gas and do what I should have done the first moment I laid eyes on Juliet Donovan—I get the hell out of town.
An hour later, I pull up outside of the familiar structure that is The Dionysus Lounge. I don’t know what dragged my ass here because I’d left Silverwood with every intention of losing myself in a mindless drive.
I’d taken several twisted turns and exits off the freeway that I’d never taken before. I was convinced I was lost—both physically and mentally—when the sign out front appeared on the edge of my periphery.
I turn off the Firebird and get out, staring at the plain face brick of the building. Were it not for its quiet, but pleased clientele and expanding rumors of beautiful women and good drinks, this place probably would’ve gone out of business long ago. Its exterior doesn’t hardly hint at what lies inside—save for the lack of windows. Most probably assume it’s like every other gentleman’s club in backwoods America.
Not Ma-Ri’s place. No, The Dionysus Lounge is a place all on its own here. It’s different. It’s safety for men in need of a little companionship. Not sex, but understanding.
My legs eat up the distance towards the door and when I step inside, I’m greeted by the smell of feminine perfume and strong liquor. I don’t stop at the front. I don’t want to be sat at one of the tables where men in business suits fawn over giggling women in low-cut dresses and perfect smiles.
I make a beeline straight to the bar, finding a stool and ordering a whiskey on the rocks without delay. The bartender eyes me. She’s seen me here before and she knows my age. Before she can deny me, however, Ma-Ri appears at the end of the countertop.
“Go ahead and get it, Tracy,” she orders. “Make it a double.”
