I’m not sure how to answer that, but I’m saved when she shivers, her jacket too lightweight for the rapidly cooling evening.
“You’re cold,” I point out and she obviously restrains herself from saying‘duh’, although her expression doesn’t quite follow the plan. I bite back a smile, accepting that this new steely side of her is going to take some getting used to.
“Let me give you a ride home.”
Her mouth twists to the side, nose scrunching, like she can’t imagine anything worse than sitting in a car in close confines with me. Considering I’d made her come just hours earlier, it’s a hefty blow to the ego.
“Please, Lily.” I push off the wall, taking a step towards her. “It’s just a ride. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
It’s another minute, and more shivering, before she nods, gesturing for me to lead the way. By the time we’re in the car, her teeth are chattering andI turn on her seat warmer and blast the heater. As I turn the car in the direction of her place, I can’t stop myself from constantly checking on her. She keeps her eyes firmly planted out the window, pretending I’m not there.
When I can’t stand the silence any longer. “How was your, uh, date?”
A sharp burst of air and then, “Are we really doing this?”
I tighten my hands around the steering wheel until it creaks. “When you said you were going on a date, I thought…” I shrug but then stop half-way through, so it’s more of a shoulder twitch. “I thought it might be with Justin.”
I brake at a red light, chancing a glance her way. The streetlights cast an eerie glow on her face, but I can’t read her expression. “Justin,” she echoes quietly, and I nod. “Why?”
A little thrown by the question, my answer is hesitant. “You’ve been spending time together lately, and I thought…”
“That I must be fucking him,” she fills in.
My mouth pops open at the crude language, the tone not fitting with the woman I know. “No, that’s not?—”
“Guess it’s fair,” she says, talking right over me. “Considering I thought you were fucking Silvia.”
A horn blasts behind us and I look forward, finding the light green. I ease my foot onto the accelerator, mind racing with the way this conversation has turned. “I’ve never thought of her like that,” I reiterate firmly.
“So, you call everyone‘sweetheart’, then?” She flicks a frosty glance my way, impatience stamped across her face, and I grimace.
I’ve been waiting for this argument, except I still have no good excuse for it. Lily doesn’t want to hear that the endearment became something of a habit, especially when it was one I used for her. It had nothing to do with Silvia, or the words even meaning something. And it shames me to admit that I didn’t know what I was doing was wrong until a week ago, when I’d used the same endearment on a young barista in a coffee shop. The girl had practically formed cartoon hearts in her eyes, turning into a blushing, stammering mess. She’d knocked two coffees over before managing to give me my drinks.
She seems to realize I’m not going to answer, and shakes her head. “Idon’t know why you’d feel that way about Justin,” she finally says, circling back. “He’s just a friend. One I’ve known for years.”
“Except he wasn’t your date,” I remind her lightly.
My heart skips a beat when her eyes soften. “No, he wasn’t,” she murmurs.
I suck in a breath. “You won’t run me off, Lily. No matter how many dates you go on, or however you choose to punish me. I’m not going anywhere.”
She blinks, her eyes crystalizing into ice. “You still haven’t figured it out, Declan,” she says tonelessly. “This isn’t about you.”
She turns her head with finality, and the silence between us is strained as I finish making our way to her place. In the driveway, I make no moves to get out of the car. I promised just a ride and I’m sticking to it, needing her to know she can trust my word.
For several seconds, she doesn’t move, her hands folded primly in her lap and I clench mine, sensing she’s about to drop something on me I won’t like.
“Did you receive the court summons?”
I grind molars, staring at the dark house. “Yes.”
“We’re to appear before the judge in two weeks.” I let out a small hum of acknowledgement, biting my tongue to stop anything else from coming out. “I think maybe we shouldn’t see each other again until then,” she says softly, but there’s a resolute undertone that lets me know it’s not negotiable. “Today—” I look over when she bites the words off, her expression contemplative as she rolls her lips inward. “I don’t regret what happened. Not because it was you, but because it felt good, and I’m not going to deny myself that.”Well, that fucking stings.“But it makes things complicated, especially if you start stalking my dates.”
“I wasn’t stalking you,” I grumble, subtly pressing my palm against my shoulder, feeling the sting of her bite she’d left earlier, using the pain to ground me.
“Stop sending me things,” she orders, and I frown. “Sending me flowers or chocolates or whatever, it doesn’t erase what you did, Declan.”
I sigh, slumping down. “I’m trying here, Lily. I’m trying to give you everything you’re asking for, but I can’t…I want to give you what you need and I’m toeing the line as well as I can, but I can’t just step away from you.”
