I can deal with Campbell’s laughter.
Especially seeing as I unceremoniously threw her across the room, causing a large picture frame to crack down on her skull and all. Not to mention my unconventional wall art and odd-looking pet. All in all, laughter does seem the best I can hope for.
After a moment, Campbell’s breath evens out. “Okay. First things first.” She wipes the tears under her eyes, then slides her hands down the edges of the frame on her lap. “Why did your sister give you a picture of a dick, and why did you feel the need to hang it on your wall? Artfully framed, no less.”
“Ever heard of Pick a Dick?” I lift Mike off her and grab the frame.
“Excuse me?”
I chuckle. “It’s an app that lets women post all the unsolicited dick pictures they get. Then other subscribers can score the dicks from one to ten.”
“Oh yeah, I’ve heard about that. My lawyer Leslie mentioned it. Said giving zero scores to the pictures guys sent her on some dating app was better justice than a lawsuit.” She glances at the picture, eyebrows arching. “And that’s your picture?”
“Uh, no.” I flip the frame over and lean it against the wall. “That was the first picture ever posted on the site. It’s a dick picture that some asshole sent my sister. It’s actually what inspired me to create the application.”
“Wait.” She sits forward in her seat. “Youcreated that app?” Her auburn hair ripples as she shakes her head from side to side. “How did I not know this?”
“I may have created it, but I didn’t own it for long.”
She gives me a look. “Why not? All the research I did before taking on the Moore’s account showed you to be a savvy businessman. Doesn’t make sense to let go of an app like that too soon. It’s still really popular.”
I shrug, not really wanting to get into the why. Getting beaned in the head by a dick and then sat on by a hairless pussy is enough for one night. “Anyway, yeah, I’m the creator. Thought it would be a good way for women to even the score. Especially after that stupid Hot or Not app.”
“Wow.”
“That’s why my sister gave me the picture. She said it was like when people frame the first dollar their store makes.”
She laughs. “I love your sister.”
Her sincerity makes me smile.
“Okay, well, that’s the dick pic explained.” Her eyes wander down to Mike, now licking his smooth ball sack on the floor by her feet. “Now what about the… cat?”
As if knowing we were talking about him, Mike pauses mid lick and jumps back up on Campbell’s lap, his bony legs balancing on her thighs. Both tilt their heads and regard the other quizzically. It’s hilarious.
“He’s a hairless cat. A sphynx. Good for people with allergies.” I reach down and scratch behind Mike’s ears. It’s like touching raw chicken.
“You have allergies?” Tentatively, Campbell brings her hand to Mike’s back. When he starts to purr, she lightly pets him.
“Uh, no. But that isn’t exactly a requirement to own a sphynx.” Once again, I avoid mentioning my ex. Bell runs hot and cold, and I don’t want to give her any excuse to freeze me out after we’ve come so far.
If you count elevator and car rides far.
“Hmmm.” She quirks her eyebrow at me while a sexy smirk twitches her lips. “And the name?”
Feeling like a kid caught with a porn mag, I smile sheepishly at the floor. “Well, I mean, if I’m going to own a hairless pussy, he might as well own the name.”
Mike leans into her touch and purrs louder, and Bell’s smirk turns adoring. The damn bastard may be a pussy, but he’s also my number one cock block at the moment.
“He’s so soft.” She leans her whole body forward, cuddling into him. Mike wastes no time in nuzzling her chest. “Such a sweet boy, aren’t you?”
The damn cat looks back at me while she pets him. I swear the hairless bastard is smiling at me.
Fucker.
“I had a pet once.” Bell sounds slightly sad. “A dog.” She continues cuddling Mike. “Since then, I’ve always considered myself a dog person, but Mike’s kind of great, isn’t he?”
She’s cradling him in her arms now, like a baby. Like a saggy-skinned, ugly-as-fuck baby. But the soft smile on Campbell’s lips keeps me from being too jealous.
