“I’m selfish. I love my sleep. I love spending my money on myself. I love to party. I like being free to do as I wish, when I wish.”
“At least you’re honest, but I’m sure many people feel this way but feel different when their kid arrives. You care enough to continue the pregnancy.”
“I do care that it has a good life with you. I care that it’s healthy. I care, but not enough to give up my life.”
“Will you want me to keep you updated on the down low?”
“I don’t know.” She glances over at me and asks, “Do you judge me?”
“Not at all. I get that everyone is different, and they handle shit in their own ways. I’m just glad you came to me. Whether you’re in our child’s life or not, you’re always going to be the mother of my child. If you ever need me, I’ll be here.”
Her smile reminds me of the night we met. Open and beautiful. No trace of being on guard.
“It’s a strange place we’ve found ourselves in, isn’t it. I was expecting you to either not believe the baby was yours or not want it and send me away. And here you are, not even angry that I don’t want to be a mom.”
I huff. “I think if more people were truthful about what they wanted or didn’t want, the world would be a much better place.”
“What will you tell the child when it grows up and starts asking questions?”
I laugh. “Fuck knows. It hasn’t even crossed my mind yet. But I wouldn’t do you dirty.”
“It’s more than I deserve.”
“Look, you know what you don’t want and having a kid is a big responsibility. You’ve done the right thing by coming to me. I will make sure our kid is safe and do everything else a parent should do, it’s what you’re doing now. You’re making sure our baby is going to be safe and looked after. You’re already being a mom whether you want to be or not.”
She narrows her eyes as she looks to me. “Do you hope I’ll change my mind?”
“We’ve got a few months left, of course I hope you’ll change your mind but if you don’t, I’ve got us both covered.”
“What would that look like?” she asks, adding, “If I changed my mind?”
She’s certainly distracting me from Lily’s death with these questions.
“We could co-parent. I’ll always make sure you don’t go without.”
It’s not until later that night as we’re lying in bed, her on one side and me on the other, that I realise her mood shifted after I imagined us as co-parents if she went on to change her mind. We still talked all afternoon and into the evening before driving back to the club, but it wasn’t the same and I didn’t see her openly smile again.
Did I say the wrong thing? Doesn’t everyone who isn’t in a relationship want to co-parent?
I made the mistake of not knowing Lily well enough, I’m not going to make the same mistake with Annie. First thing tomorrow, I’m going to ask Zach to find out everything he can on the mother of my child.
There weren’t any sightings of Hog Fuckers within three towns of Willow’s Peak and once we’ve updated Leo, Zach and I split off and I walk over to Annie as she reads one of her books at a picnic table.
“I’ve been to town, and I couldn’t find anything suitable to rent. I’ve arranged for you to stay here, over in the main house.”
She asks, “Will you be staying with me?”
“I can do, if that’s what you want?”
“It’d be weird staying somewhere alone when I don’t know anyone.”
“I get it. What will you do when the baby is born?”
“I have time to figure it out.”
“I’ll move your things across soon.”
“Sounds good. Are you busy this afternoon?”
