“No bullshit, tell me why you really left me, baby.”
His tone is soft, but I know how quickly it can change. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” I lie.
“What have I told you? You don’tthink,I do.”
He leans across and holds my cheek, his thumb adding pressure to the bruise he gave me yesterday.
“So fuckin’ beautiful.”
His kisses are slow and tender. I’m so tired but I stay on edge. I’m ready when his hand slides around the back of my neck, his fingers latching into my hair. I’m ready when he yanks my head back and his soft kisses turn brutally hard.
“The next time you think and then try to leave me, I will kill you.” He bites down on my lip. “I’ll kill you, then I’ll kill everyone you love. Don’t fuckin’ doubt me, baby.”
He leans back into his seat, but his heavy gaze continues to suffocate me.
“When we get home, you’ve got some making up to do.”
I nod. It’s all I can do.
“And stop acting like you’re in danger. Act right and you’re fine.”
That’s a joke. His opinion on how I should act right changes like the wind. I could strive to be perfect and there would be something that would set him off. I don’t bother crying for the situation I’m now in.
I stare up at the stars as Hopper sits beside me, throwing back a beer. Half of the brothers are already asleep and all I canthink about is how my body still hurts from Hopper throwing me around yesterday. Sleeping on the ground with Hopper beside me is enough for my stomach to tighten and a weight of nausea to sink. While he talks with his vice president, I fall into my imagination.
I wonder what my life would have been like if I had have told Cas he was Harper’s father from the beginning. I wonder what life would have been like if I had stayed in Willow’s Peak. I don’t believe for one second that I would’ve made a life with Cas. Nothing and no one would have gotten between him and Alannah. But I would have had his and her support raising Harper. Not only would I have had a different life if we had stayed, but Harper would also. But I always knew better, when all along, I knew nothing.
Hopper takes my hand and wordlessly I follow him to his tent. Traffic whizzes by twenty feet from where I’ll be sleeping tonight, and I wish I were in any one of those vehicles. It doesn’t matter where they’re going, I’d go anywhere as long as it meant I wouldn’t be with Hopper or his men.
“Undress,” he commands zipping up the tent.
“It’s cold.”
“Am I not enough to keep you warm? And do I have to repeat myself?”
I slowly unzip my jacket, hoping one of the brothers calls for his attention and he leaves me alone. No such luck. The sound of his metal belt buckle opening, and the brush of his jeans being pushed down his thighs recoils in my stomach.
Time to return to my happy place.
The Hades Hogs clubhouse is still as cold and depressing as it was before I left. I have to force myself to undo my belt and push open the door. The gates to their compound slam shut and I can’t be sure, but I swear there are more locks. The firepits are still where they were when I left. The fighting ring is still a faded blue from sitting in the sun. The block of apartments is still as run down as ever and smeared in come and beer stains on the inside.
Nothing has changed but I have. I’m now going to do my best to make the most out of the shit pile I have landed in.
Hopper breaks the spell of depression surrounding me. He’s holding his hand out and I frown. I must’ve missed what he said.
“Phone, baby. Give it to me.”
I retrieve it from my purse and hand it over. It ran out of battery two days ago.
“If you behave, I’ll let you have it once a week to text your daughter.”
My first instinct is to snort. Harper won’t respond. She most likely wouldn’t open the message or read it. But for once, I keep my snort to myself and nod. I make myself meek and mild. Not that I have any energy to argue with him until I’ve slept in a real bed for a few hours. Even then, I dare not argue with him. I need to stay alive and to do that, I need to be on my best game.
Days pass and life back with Hopper is worse than before. If it’s not him watching me like a hawk, it’s the brothers. Even the club whores half my age keep me in their sights, when they’re not busy laughing at me. It’s no secret Hopper is either angry with me or avoiding me. I’m the leper that no one wants to be around.It’s not even like I used to enjoy hanging out with them. But I did have a level of respect as Hopper’s old lady.
Making my way across to the bar, Hopper isn’t with his VP or Road Chief. I continue on with the knot in my stomach tightening its vice like grip with every step I take. His office is just past the bathroom, and I knock on his door, waiting to be invited in. I’ve only made the mistake of walking in without knocking the once. I received a busted lip from a backhanded slap. After that, I learned quickly.
“Yeah?” he barks.
