Danica laughs while tapping away at her phone to schedule a ride.
Dmitri leads me out of the waiting room.“You’ll pay for that sass, baby.Just you wait.”
“Ooh, scary.”
He laughs.“Tonight will be more fun than I imagined.”
17
Dmitri
As soon as we leave the hospital and the cool air of the evening hits our faces, Leah sobers up.
I sober up, too.Reconciling with Danica was a big positive, but I can’t forget—it happened in the cardiac unit waiting room.I could have lost my grandfather tonight.
My feelings are mixed.I don’t want him to die.I love him even while I hate him.He’s a monster—and he might be the key to understanding my monstrous self.
If he dies, there will be no recovering the easy relationship we once had.I’ll mourn that chance as much as I’d mourn his death.
It’s so fucked up.I want to rewind to my eighteenth birthday.The hour before I saw those horrific things in that warehouse.I never should’ve gone inside.They changed how I saw my grandfather.
“Hey.”Leah’s voice drags me from my vicious thought cycle.“Talk to me.”
I let her lead me to a bench near the hospital doors.She sits down and tugs my hand so I sit next to her.
“Something’s going through your mind right now.”She strokes the backs of my fingers, fidgeting with them, opening and closing my fist.“Do you want to tell me about it?”
I shake my headno, but I really meanyes.“I almost lost my grandfather tonight, and I’m so fucking pissed, I want to hit something.But I also…it would be a relief, in some ways.There are parts of him that—fuck.Never mind.”
Leah doesn’t press.What she does is worse—she waits.
I can’t tell her the full story, but I can give her parts.“He found out that I’m dominant, back when I was a teenager.”
Leah stills.“Do I want to ask how he found out?”
“It was fucking embarrassing.He saw porn on my phone.Then he told me I’m just like him.”
“Huh.”Leah laughs softly.“Things we never wanted to know about your granddad.”
“Right?”I close my eyes, blocking out the parking lot in front of us, going back to the warehouse on my eighteenth birthday.
Leah nudges me with her shoulder.“There’s more, isn’t there?”
Breathe in.Out.In.I’m here, with her.Not there, with him.The bench is hard beneath my ass, the April night cool against my face.
“He’s not a good guy.I mean, he’s an excellent grandfather.No complaints, other than how he initially took Patrick’s side after Patrick hurt you.He truly cares about his family.”I wish I could tell her more, but something stops me.Familial loyalty?Or shame?“To people outside the family, though, he’s a tyrant.A monster.And when I saw something, called him out on it?He reminded me that I’m just like him.If I’m a monster, so are you.He told me it was in my blood.”
“Dmitri, no.”
“You don’t have to believe me.It’s better you don’t, honestly.”I rub my eyes.This conversation can’t be over soon enough.
“What did you see?”
I shake my head.“Just trust me when I say it was bad.”
“Okay.I trust you.”She turns and swings a leg over my lap, straddling me on the bench so our faces are close.“But trust me when I say that you are not a monster, Dmitri.”
“Leah.”I wrap my arms around her, pulling her closer so I can bury my face against her neck.“The things I want to do to you sometimes?—”
