“Maybe?”I pretend I’m about to drop her.
“Dmitri!”She shrieks, laughing.“Don’t you dare fucking drop me.”
“I won’t.”Serious now, I hold her more tightly as I take the stairs to the bedroom.“I’m not letting you go, baby girl.”
Once Leah’s in bed, I curl my body around hers, letting her feel my protection.After I’m sure she’s asleep, I get up.Gage needs to know what the fuck is going on, what he’s up against.If I were in his shoes, I’d want to know.I take my phone and steal outside to the back deck.
Even though it’s the middle of the night, Gage answers on the first ring.“How is she?”
I pace the deck.The lake beyond is inky black, hidden from the moon’s light.“Shitty.It keeps getting worse and worse.”
“Has Nic posted something else?”
“I don’t know.But Leah was obsessing over things and clicked a link, I guess.”
“Fuck.”
I’ve never heard Gage swear.The word holds extra weight, sitting on the line between us.
“Is she ever going to talk to me?”His voice is gruff, but I can hear a thread of vulnerability.
I actually feel sorry for the asshole.“Yeah.I calmed her down.It didn’t take much.She knows that’s not who you are.But.”
Gage sighs.“But?”
“Well, she said a lot of it was similar to what you’ve done with her, so that might need some damage control.”
“The desk,” he says flatly.
“I don’t know, and I don’t want to know.”He doesn’t need to rub it in my face, the things they’ve done without me.
He chuckles.“Yeah, you do want to know.We’ll show you sometime.You’d like it.”
I ignore the taunt.“Is there anything you want me to say to her?”
“Yes.”He pauses.I imagine he’s sitting in some posh chair in a window overlooking the city, a glass of whiskey swirling in his hand.“I want her to know that I would never hurt her.I never would’ve hurt Nicola, either.The things Nic and I did…we were babies in the lifestyle.Neither of us knew what we were doing.But as the Dom, I should’ve been more careful.I’ve carried that guilt with me since.”
He sounds so dull and regretful, I need to lighten the moment.“Hang on, my hand is cramping from writing all that down.”
His huff of amusement is loud.“Have you been taking brat lessons from Leah?”
“If I start calling you old man, you need to worry.”I stare out at the void of the lake.Who am I to give this guy advice?But I have something he needs to hear.“In all seriousness, you don’t need to keep carrying that guilt.”
He makes a noncommittal sound.
“I mean it.”An owl hoots, mournful and eerie, reminding me to keep my voice down so I don’t wake Leah.“I don’t judge you for what happened all that time ago.”
“You used to.”
“I did.But I know better now.And I know this shit isn’t always that simple.”You're a monster, Dmitri.If I am, so are you.It's in your blood.“I have regrets, too.”
Urges.Fear that I’ll indulge those urges and hurt someone I care about.
Gage’s voice is as even and constant as the placid surface of the lake.“Your regrets?I hope you don’t hold onto them as long as I’ve held onto mine.”
7
Gage
