How she describes her family as "so small town they don't even know it" because they've never seen any other way. How she immediately wrote another message telling me she felt bad for saying that, and she really loves her mom and dad, and her sister is a lot younger, and ended up at home for goodreasons while her brother doesn't even live around there anymore so he doesn't really count.
I shared frustrations about my family too. I talked about Brinkley who I'm realizing has taken quite a liking to Elle and hasn't been hanging around me as much lately.
I scroll back to the most recent message and take the phone in both hands to start writing my next.
DCFox:Hey TalkShopGirl, I’ve been thinking of you all day. Not just because last night was, in a word, hot, but because you’ve become a moral compass to me.
Do you ever become the worst version of yourself? The one that you hate but feel like it's such an ingrained part of you that you'll always be that way a little bit.
I got annoyed with someone tonight and I lashed out. It wasn't their fault what they said hit at the most insecure parts of me. But in the moment, I couldn't control that thehurt part of mewas who responded. I hope I wasn't too harsh with this person but I'm also so frustrated by their lack of understanding.
As I walked away I felt proud of myself for not going further. For getting myself out of that dynamic. And I wanted you to be proud of me too.
I'm lying here realizing that you don't know me but you might know me better than anyone else.
CHAPTER 14
Flirting on All Fronts
MAGGIE
"I'm lying here realizing that you don't know me but you might know me better than anyone else."
I reread the last line of DCFox's message out loud. It expresses exactly how I feel about him. After our sexting session, which I was primed for after Austin’s visit, I woke up scared that everything would change between us. I wasn’t sure if he’d go back to sharing the little things about his day or emotional things with me. I can get orgasms from Austin, he’s not where I turn for emotional support. That’s DCFox’s job. It felt too good to be true that DCFox could be both. Turns out the day I spent nervous that we’d ruined things was for nothing.
TalkShopGirl:I completely understand what you mean. I feel like sometimes I act as a version of myself I don't like just because I think that's what the other person expects from me.
I become quiet or I swear more often depending on who I am with. When, in reality, I'm a loud person whodoesn't like to curse.
Well, maybe that's not exactly true because a well placed cuss word can have a profound impact, but there are definitely people who bring it out in me.
I hate feeling so malleable. So flexible. I do have convictions and strong values and sometimes it's too easy to set them aside if they're not the same as the person I'm with.
And, I couldn't agree more about being strangers but knowing each other deeply. I have a feeling that you are beginning to know me better than I know myself.
I slide the phone back into my nightstand and stretch my arms overhead. Today we are traveling with Senator Quinn. She has seven events in three different states and when I was leaving the office yesterday I heard Jorge confirming something back in D.C. at 7:00 pm. Travel days stress me out but I’ve learned to try and stick to as much of my routine as I can to help me manage the disruption. That means I start my day with a run but instead of going to the office at 9, I’m headed to the airport.
My feet hit the pavement on beat with the music in my headphones. I get lost in the lyrics and the feel of my steps ricocheting through my body. My mind hasn’t been this clear in months. I feel energized. Maybe my multiple orgasms in 72 hours is the magic sauce.
At a stoplight I pull out my phone to text him. The texts last night surprised me. I didn’t think he’d care about being exclusive but I’m glad it’s been established. He probably texted me to ask because he got propositioned by some beautiful woman last night. I felt his arousal in the kitchen before he left. And then greedily I brought myself to the edge with DCFox’s words beforefalling over into bliss. Maybe Austin is suffering from some serious blue balls. The idea makes me happy on a feminist level but also sad for him on a personal one.
MAGGIE:I’m finding it’s harder to start my day today. You?
AUSTIN:Things are plenty hard over here.
I bite my smile when his response comes in immediately. Almost like he had my text thread open at the time.
These ripples of excitement are totally new and when the light changes and I start to run again, I realize that the arrangement with Austin is something new. Something I've never done before. It is a change in my routine and maybe the novelty is energizing me as much as anything.
???
"You're smiling a lot today," Sam says as we sit down for lunch. "And, you're never happy on travel days."
I simply shrug in response.
"And, it's been a day where we were in the air as long as we were on the ground. The worst kind of travel day, where if we didn't have Jorge telling us when exactly to get on the bus we'd surely have missed one of these flights."
"I guess I'm getting used to it." I say although that’s a lie. I'm feeling good because I had sex with Austin Thorne and then was able to walk away with no strings attached. It's the ideal set up.
