CHAPTER 36
Wild Horses and Fire Breathing Dragons
MAGGIE
I shower and think of Austin.
I dry my hair and think of Austin.
I get dressed and think of Austin.
I do my makeup and think of Austin.
And at every step I think, what if he's the one standing at Stumpy tonight? It would certainly make everything easier! I wouldn’t have to choose.
And then I have to tell myself that it'll be a disaster if I have to recover from my disappointment by expecting or hoping for one person and another is there.
I guess I could always try to leave before DCFox sees me. I didn't tell him if I'd be there or not. I didn't tell him what I was wearing.
So I guess that is my plan. Head over there, spy and try to figure out if it’s Austin or not and make a game time decision. Not that I’ve gotten any better at making those in the last year.
Everything with Austin over the last few weeks has felt easy and natural. And, since we've taken sex off the table I've learned to be in a room with him and not immediately jump his bones.
I still want to, very much so, but I've been able to control mybaser urges.
My body is still buzzing with anxiety by the time I’ve changed outfits three times and landed on the red dress from our first attempt at meeting that I had started with. I fluff up my hair and check the clock. I have an hour until DCFox said he'd be there. It's about an hour walk down to the Tidal Basin. And it's a pretty route that takes me past the White House and through the mall.
I pile my things into the Prada bag and head out the door. It feels like Austin is with me as I carry this bag. It’s comforting. Sam and I chat every so often now and I’ve gotten used to the regular check-ins with Liz and CJ, but Austin is probably my closest friend. Him, and then DCFox.
I never would have imagined such a strong bond with Austin and I really hope that DCFox and I share a connection in person.
But do I?
Because then I’ll have to pick one over the other and I don’t think I’m prepared to do that.
Outside the White House I see Ben leaving the grounds.
"Ben!" I yell in greeting, "Hey! How are you?"
"Maggie Collins! Hey. I'm good, exhausted. I'm headed home for the day finally."
"But it's Saturday?" I ask, and as soon as I do I realize how far out of the political elite loop I am.
"Is it?” He sighs. "You look nice, where are you off to?"
"To see the cherry blossoms."
"Ah yes, they're reaching their peak bloom this week I think. It'll be beautiful."
I smile warmly, "Yeah it will."
We part ways and I continue towards the water. It's funny, I never thought losing my job would have been a good thing but it forced me to change.
It forced me to let go of plans I had clung to. Expectations I was stuck to. It felt scary to let go of my fifteen year plan but in the last few months I haven't thought much about the future.
Not in a bad way, but in a,I'm happy with the presentway.
The connection I’ve built with my students is rewarding. One asked for a recommendation letter for a job this summer. I don’t know if I can get another teaching job but there are leadership development organizations I can join. Honestly, I could start my own firm and teach seminars, coach people through career decisions, and provide the kind of support I never really found early in my career.
