Bec nods her head enthusiastically in agreement. I feel like between Bec and me, we’ve now solved the mystery of where Luke and Blake have disappeared to.
Knowing Blake will be returning next weekend gives me hope that maybe Luke is too. What we still don’t know is why they both took off so suddenly.
We agree we should both try texting the guys. She will text Blake, and I will text Luke later tonight. Hopefully, one of us will get a response. I can tell Bec is as concerned about Blake as I am about Luke. Bec said she likes Blake, but I suspect her feelings are a bit deeper.
We finish our wine chatting more generally about living in Manhattan. Bec and I are becoming firm friends, and it’s so nice to have someone as concerned as me in finding Luke. We agree to keep in regular contact over the coming days.
When I’m back home, I go straight to my room and before even changing for bed, I type a text to Luke, change it, then change it again. Finally hitting send.
Cassie:Hi Luke, I’ve tried to be patient and wait for you to contact me as you promised, but I need to know you're okay. I’m worried about you. I get you don’t want to see me. But if only as a friend, please let me know you're alright.
There done, and hopefully, tonight, after meeting Bec and sending off a text to Luke, I'll be able to get a proper night’s sleep. I quickly change into my pajamas and head into the bathroom to brush my teeth and complete my nightly cleansing routine.
Walking back into my room, I check my phone and I’m surprised to see a text already from Luke. I hadn’t expected to hear back from him for a couple of days. Like last time.
Luke:Cass, I’m so sorry I worried you. One of my friends died and I've been in a bad place. I’m a mess and trying to get my head straight staying with my friend Scotty. I’ll be back in the city on the weekend. I'm really sorry but I need a bit more time to sort myself out.
Thank God he's okay, and at least now I know why he took off even if it doesn't excuse how he's treated me. Luke is obviously still crap at communicating based on the text. Not a lot of details, but he did apologize and it's enough for me to stop worrying. He has a lot of explaining to do on the weekend.
I quickly text him back.
Cassie:Thank you for finally letting me know. I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your friend but we need to definitely talk when you get back.
Luke:Thanks Cass, I know I don't deserve your understanding. Let's talk in person on the weekend and in the meantime I promise to keep in contact with texts.
I'm relieved to hear he wants to talk too. I send a final text agreeing to keep in touch through texts the remainder of the week. Then I send another text to Bec to let her know the latest. I suspect she hasn’t been sleeping well either. Before turning off my light, Bec texts back her thanks for the update.
Slipping down between the sheets, I feel a sense of relief as finally the sadness weighing me down this last week has lifted and I drift off to sleep.
Chapter 27
Luke
Myapartmentisadisaster zone. This is my first thought when I walk through the door thankfully in a much better place mentally than I was when I left.
I look around and see signs everywhere of the mental distress I was in. My clothes from two weeks ago still lie discarded on the hall floor. A cup of coffee, half-drunk still sits on the coffee table in the living room. I’m normally an obsessively tidy person after my years in the military, but looking around my apartment today, you wouldn’t guess it.
I move down the hallway to my bedroom, picking up clothes as I go, then as I reach the doorway I stop, shocked.
It looks like I've been ransacked, but I know I haven't. Drawers and cupboards are open with clothes half hanging out of them. My unmade bed is a twist of sheets and a physical reminder of my last nightmare. A reminder I don't need so I quickly rip them off, replacing them with fresh ones. Then in a frenzy of activity I unpack my bag, closing drawers and cupboards as I go.
Once everything is back in order, and I can settle in my cleared space, I sit down on my bed to call Cassie. I need to let her know I'm back in the city and ask for her forgiveness, beg her to see me. We've texted each other this week. I've explained a bit more about my breakdown but there is still so much more I need to tell her.
I’ve done a lot of soul searching this last week while I was down in Florida. I've thought a lot about the friends I’ve lost too early, and it's made me put the unpredictability of life in perspective. I think in the past I've focused too much on thewhat ifrather than getting on with living my life today. Really no one knows how long they will have.
When I was in the Rangers in Afghanistan, death was a daily reality but now here safe in the States, I need to let it go. I need to live my life to the fullest, not constantly thinking tomorrow will be my last.
Five years ago, I came close to losing my life. Two of my friends did lose theirs, and now another friend Johno has gone too. Lives only half lived. I’m determined to make sure the second chance I've been given is not wasted. I don’t want to be broken anymore. It's time to pull myself together and start living.
Cassie is the key to my new plan and I’m desperately hoping she's still willing to give us a chance..
What I want is to step out of the darkness for good and into the light where Cassie is. I was a fool all those years ago, throwing away something as precious as Cassie’s love. I’m not going to be as foolish again.
This time I'm going to try to earn back Cassie’s love. I’m going to fight for us, and if I’m lucky enough to succeed, then I will hold her love close to my heart and cherish it every single day of my life.
Time to walk the talk. I click to dial Cassie’s number, my stomach churning as I wait, hoping she'll take my call.
"Hello? Luke?"
