“I’m just remembering how you never ordered any other pasta dish. I knew you would choose that, even before you picked up the menu.”
Shit, I think I have been caught out already.
“I know what I like and don’t see any point changing that. What are you going to have? No, wait, let me try and guess what you want.” Scanning the menu, I announce cockily, “Got it. This is too easy. You want the spaghetti and meatballs.”
“No, sorry, you’re wrong. I’m a vegetarian now. I was thinking maybe the pesto,” he contradicts.
Wow, I’m shocked, and my face probably shows it. Luke was a huge meat lover, and every time we went to the Italian back home, he ordered spaghetti and meatballs. I guess that’s something else that’s changed about him.
No, hang on, I’m not convinced and looking him in the eye, even less so.
Luke laughs. “Jokes. Of course, I’m going to have the spaghetti and meatballs. I’m only messing with you. I know what I like too.” And from the look in his eye, I’m convinced we are no longer talking about food.
I smile at the reminder of his humor. “You almost had me there.”
The waiter arrives to take our orders, and I relax back into my chair, continuing our casual conversation, which flows easily throughout the meal. We talk mostly about our jobs. He tells me about the company he runs with Blake, and I tell him about my promotion and transfer from Orlando to the city. His company seems to be doing really well, which doesn’t surprise me as he always was a computer whiz.
As we finish our delicious meal, I feel the time has come for us to tackle the big issue. The conversation we didn't quite finish when we met at the bar. Luke falls silent picking up on my vibe.
"You do know we need to talk about the past still don't you." I point between us. "This what we’re doing here doesn’t change how much you hurt me when you decided to break us up.”
“I know there's a lot more to say between us.” He admits leaning forward with his elbows on the table. His mouth no longer ticked up in a smile.
I want to understand more why he sent the letter, but I also need to tell him what it did to me so without wasting any more time I jump straight in.
“I need you to know that the letter broke me. But not only the letter, the fact I couldn’t contact you or speak to you about it, that was probably worse. I struggled to keep up my grades. Some days I couldn't even get out of bed. My friends had to literally drag me to classes. It took so long for me to pull myself together that I didn’t date for a whole year after.”
Luke scrubs his hand across his face as if trying to erase the pain from my words.
With a heavy sigh he begins to explain, “I know now it was a callous selfish way to end our relationship and again I’m sorry for the pain I caused you. I took the gutless way out knowing that speaking to you would make me change my mind. Then I’d go back to letting the pain of missing you, and fear of hurting you eat me up inside.”
Luke reaches across the table to take my cold shaky hand into his warm comforting grasp. “Cassie, I missed you so much it was a physical ache in my heart. It hurt to hear your voice telling me about your life and I was jealous whenever you mentioned another guy’s name, even if it was someone your friends were seeing.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “Breaking us up tore me apart too but at the time it was what I had to do to keep my sanity and do my job in what was a hellish place.”
I sit speechless looking down at our entwined hands, letting his words seep into me, each one chipping away at the hard shell I’ve built around my heart.
“Cass, my biggest regret in life has been sending the fucking letter. You were right when you texted it was an unforgivably low act. If I could change the past I would but I can’t, we can only change our future.”
“But what’s in our future?” I ask in a low cautious voice.
“I don’t know what the future holds but I know I’d like you to be in it. I’ve missed you.”
I want to tell him I’ve missed him too, but I’ve learned to hold back my feelings, protect my heart so I say nothing, just nod my head.
Luke clears his throat. “Would you like another glass of wine or do you want to go?” It feels like the decision to go or stay has a deeper implication for our future.
I don’t want to go so I ask for another glass of wine.
Luke’s eyes appear lighter as they capture mine briefly before he hails the waiter to take our order. We both seem happy to share each other’s company for a little longer. More relaxed now we’ve cleared the air.
Another glass of red wine later, we exit the restaurant into the cool evening air.
Luke’s hand rests on my back as he asks, “Can I give you a ride home?”
“My apartment is only a short walk away, so I’m good.” It’s a nice evening, and I’m happy to walk.
“Well, let me walk you then,” he offers. I’m okay with that, as it will be even nicer walking home with Luke to keep me company. I’ve enjoyed talking to him over dinner, and I’m not quite ready to end our evening.
“I’d like that, but it’s not far.”
