"Okay, that was quick. I’m a bit surprised, but I get why. You didn’t ever get resolution with Luke, and I suspect you still have feelings for him. How did the catch up go?"
Sometimes I think my sister knows me better than I know myself.
"Not great and even though I pretended otherwise, I think you’re right; I do still have feelings for him as I proved last night."
"Okay, tell me more. What happened?" Alice asks.
I take a deep breath and then begin to tell her, "Well, I guess it was good because he apologized and explained why he did what he did. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not happy about how badly he treated me, but I’m not as angry anymore. I’m just sad about how it all turned out. And I wish back then I had been mature enough to have understood he was going through some rough stuff. We should have talked more."
My voice wobbles only slightly as I say this out loud to Alice.
Alice's voice is comforting as she says, "Oh, sweetie, lots of relationships have communication problems, and we all wish in hindsight we did things differently. I think you need to decide if you want to continue to dwell on the past or if you're willing to move forward now."
Alice is right no more second guessing. I sit up straighter on my bed determined to stop asking myselfwhat ifespecially when it makes me sad. I need to concentrate instead onwhat next. My big sister is so good at this sisterly advice relationship stuff.
"You’re right Alice. I’m not going to think about the past with Luke, instead, I'm going to see if there is any future."
"That’s my girl," Alice encourages, "Let me know how it goes. And you know if you need me, I’m only a phone call away or a flight."
With Alice’s good advice ringing in my ears, I hang up the call feeling a lot more positive about how to move forward.
Chapter 13
Luke
Tonight,foronce,I’mnot keen to catch up with the guys. Blake and I are due to meet up with our former Ranger buddies at a billiards bar in Brooklyn. Even seeing my Australian friend Scotty tonight, who has flown to New York from Florida for the week, hasn’t got me pumped.
Blake and I try to get together with the guys every couple of months to have a few beers, play some pool, talk smack, and generally make sure everyone is okay.
Even after leaving the Regiment, we still have each other’s backs. It’s all part of the brotherhood.
My meeting with Cass last night still has my head all over the place. It was confronting hearing from her how much my stupid letter had hurt. While I knew this already her speaking those words cut deep. I’ve spent the day worrying if she's okay as I think seeing each other brought all the heartbreak to the surface for both of us.
Cassie is such a beautiful person both inside and out. I'm amazed she can still find compassion for me after I ruined us but last night, she gave it so freely when I talked about my dad. I don’t deserve her generosity of spirit. She understood me back in high school, and nothing has changed, she still gets me.
I should have told her right at the beginning what was going on in my fucked-up adolescent head, she would have understood. Instead, I had my head so far up my ass I couldn’t see I needed to talk to her.
But what should I do next? I want to see her again even though I’m probably the last person she wants to hear from or even think about seeing.
A part of me thinks that maybe there is a second chance for us. Although it's a crazy thought I still hope for it especially now that I know the old feelings for her remain strong. This pain in my heart is proof of that. It's crystal clear to me how much I lost when I broke us up. I screwed up big time. It's also becoming clearer why I haven't wanted a relationship with any other woman.
I grab my apartment keys and head downstairs as my Uber is nearly here. It's late and I need to get my ass to the bar.
As I settle into the Uber I run my hands over my face, telling myself I need to get my head in the game. And the game tonight is all about the brotherhood, so thoughts of Cassie need to be put aside for the moment.
A short while later, I walk into the bar and see I’m the last to arrive. No surprise there as I’m late and one thing the Army drilled into us was punctuality.
Tonight, the four guys who could make it, Scotty, Blake, Parker, and Tim, are standing around the bar already drinking their first beer.
“Bout fuckin’ time you got here, you slack ass,” Parker shouts. Straight onto me the minute I walk in the door. I knew they would give me shit for being late.
“Hello to you too, and there’s nothing slack about these tight buns,” I return, slapping my ass to emphasize the point. Slipping straight back into our usual banter. Parker rolls his eyes in disgust.
“Where’s your better half?” I ask Parker as I shake his hand. Ben, another of our Rangers team, usually travels with Parker. They are as tight as Blake and I and these days run a private security company along with Tim. They're based out of Washington.
“If I told you he was in Iraq, then I’d have to kill you. Security clearance and all that,” he jokes in response.
Okay, so Ben may be somewhere in Iraq or not. I know better than to ask for more details as somewhere in Iraq could be a cover or mean literally in Iraq. Parker and Ben, in their business do some clandestine, dangerous shit for the government which makes me glad to be in my corporate role.
